Nah’msayin?

Bombarded in the Bathroom

OpinionsDavid Murphy — Published December 6, 2011

Everybody needs to chill the fuck out when it comes to swinging doors open to get into the washrooms.

Last week I was abruptly smacked on my invaluable writing hand by someone entering the bathroom as I was leaving, and if it hadn’t been for my partially blow-dried right hand (those things never get them completely dry, but that’s another story) shaking with pain, I might have thought about returning the favour.

Who do these people think they are, swinging doors open like George Clooney in ER, rushing through hospital corridors? You’re not about to perform heart surgery on an attractive housewife, so take it down a notch.

If you’re rushing because you can’t make it to the washroom in time, wear a diaper. If you’re in a hurry to finish your already-late first-year psych paper, don’t worry, you’re going to fail that anyways, so kindly settle down.

Be courteous to others already relieved and relaxed as they exit the poopers. It’s finals time, everyone’s stressed, so don’t expect compassion from anyone else not being able to put up with your hurriedness.

— David Murphy
Lifestyle Editor