Getting Beat by Dre

Graphic Joshua Barkman

Dear Dr. Dre,

Hi, it’s me again. You may remember me from my rant about how you helped launch 50 Cent’s career.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of your stuff. But with all your fame and fortune, did you really need to start making overpriced audio gear?

And, more importantly, did you really need to skimp so much on the damn plastic headbands?

I’m now the proud owner of a pair of your goddamn, half-broken Beats by Dre, because apparently my head is too big for the brittle headband. Yes, I have an afro. No, that’s not reason enough. Plastic that snaps this easily shouldn’t be anywhere near headphones that cost hundreds of dollars.

Why put your name on these tacky things? Were you so worried we’d forget about you? Just put out a new album finally. It’ll go further than some lame fashion accessory. Also, why would anyone trust the judgment of a guy that endorses Dr. Pepper?

Please. Restore my faith, oh mighty Dre. Would your old friends in N.W.A. want to see you swindling kids who don’t know they could buy better stuff for half the price?

Well, maybe they would, actually.

I guess I’ll just be here, blasting The Chronic and let this “noise-cancelling” technology drown out my sobbing, empty wallet.

—Colin Harris,
Coordinating Editor