Sex and Pancakes

Dear Melissa,

The majority of the time I have sex, I don’t cum. I’m not nervous and I’m always attracted to the person I’m with. Is there something wrong with me? Could being uncircumcised have anything to do with it?

Dear Uncut,

The big problem with a question like this is you would need a physical examination to diagnose the problem—which, besides the fact that I’m a student of sexuality and not medicine, is also something I’m pretty sure I’m legally barred from doing.

Basically, I’m not in the business of giving people a diagnosis. That being said, I’m going to do my best to send you to someone who is, because I think it’s important that you get to the bottom of this.
First thing’s first. Don’t assume there’s something “wrong” with you, and personally, I don’t think it’s related to being uncircumcised.

Also, whatever you do, avoid diagnosing yourself on medical websites! There are a lot of possible reasons for your situation and looking online will only leave the worst-case scenario stuck in your mind.
Sex, as we know, is complicated. It’s a complex relationship between the physical and mental, and for that reason your problem can be related to either one.

If it’s mental, it could be an experience you’ve had in the past or an insecurity manifesting itself and creating a mental block, or several other things. This could be on an unconscious level, so you may not even be aware of what specifically caused it. You might also want to consider your comfort level with actual orgasms in front of people.

If it’s physical, it could be several things, or nothing really. Without seeing you, no one can know for sure. It could be related to many things but I don’t know enough about them or the diagnostic process to go in depth.
So here’s what you should do:

1. See a doctor. A medical professional will be able to help you figure out what’s going on. Concordia Health Services is free for Concordia students and a great clinic to take advantage of. You can call 514-848-2424 ×3565 to make an appointment or show up for the walk-in clinic Mon-Fri 9:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. at 1550 de Maisonneuve Blvd. W. in room GM-200

2. Depending on what the doctor says, you might want to try counselling. I know some people are hesitant about counselling, but it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. In the past, I’ve found counsellors to be extremely helpful because sometimes they just see things that you’ve missed. They offer an unbiased perspective and a chance to open up and learn more about yourself. Not to mention Concordia has great services that are FREE at both campuses! Check out Concordia Counselling and Development at counselling.concordia.ca

If you’d rather go outside of Concordia, CLSCs offer tons of services under one roof, so you could go there for a doctor and counsellor. The closest CLSC to Concordia is at Guy metro (St. Mathieu Street exit) and it’s called CLSC Metro. Call them at (514) 934-0354. Counselling appointments at the CLSC are often done in order of necessity, so it may take longer to get an appointment.

It sucks that all I can really offer you are some resources, but if you follow through with them you’ll get the answers you’re looking for. Remember that this could really be nothing, so try not to worry too much. Let me know how it goes and if you need advice once you have some answers!

—Melissa Fuller

This article originally appeared in The Link Volume 31, Issue 13, published November 9, 2010.

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