No, you can’t bring your boyfriend

Decentring men starts with investing in female communities

OpinionsMarissa Guthrie — Published February 10, 2026 2 minutes

Decentring men means questioning that hierarchy and asking why women’s connections to each other are seen as the most expendable.

Recently, there has been growing discourse encouraging women to decentre men from their lives, to shift focus away from men as emotional and social focal points. The patriarchy seeps into so many areas of women’s lives that creating spaces where men aren’t the centre of attention feels essential.

Our patriarchal society quietly pushes women to pour most of their energy into men.

As women get married and have kids, many female friendships do not survive due in part to the societal expectation that women devote themselves completely to their families later in life. 

And the implications of this societal structure stretch beyond the personal and into the professional, with women being more likely than men to quit or forgo careers entirely, making their romantic relationships their means of survival.

Decentring men doesn’t mean eliminating them from women’s lives altogether, but rather refusing to treat them as the automatic priority. It requires redefining what counts as a “primary” relationship, making space for female friendships to hold the same weight as romantic partnerships.

If women invest long-term in their female friendships, it helps normalize the idea that those friendships are just as important as a romantic relationship, and it shows that you don’t have to give up marriage, kids or other life goals to keep those connections. This can be as simple as organizing a girls’ night, or simply not insisting that your boyfriend accompany you when invited to one. 

Fostering a sense of community among women can further aid in decentring men societally by normalizing and investing in support systems beyond the family structure. 

A study from 2021 titled "Are we happier with others?" found that individuals experienced the greatest amount of experiential happiness when in the company of friends. This suggests that prioritizing friendships is beneficial on an individual level just as much as a social one. 

Decentring men may seem like a daunting task in spaces of feminist theoretical discussion, but it can be easily accomplished in practice, by simply taking the time to check in and make time for female friendships in a society that sees them as unimportant. 

So give your female friendships the attention they deserve, not just the attention you’re told they deserve. 

Disassembling the patriarchy won’t happen overnight, but every moment spent choosing women, supporting women and showing up for women quietly pushes back against a system that tells us our greatest loyalty should lie elsewhere.