Damn Leftists

Graphic Vivien Leung

I don’t know what’s happened to our generation. We’re so cynical about everything. Since when did being opposed to something like WAR become a political opinion? Like there’s no human element to the decision, you know. It seems like anything I could possibly say about any social issue paints me into some sort of political corner.

“I’ve gotta tell ya, I’m against executing retarded people, Jim. I just don’t think it’s right.”

“You would, ya fuckin Liberal… when are you going to grow the hell up? None of us LIKES killing retarded people, Jim, but it’s a reality of the modern world, you weak kneed leftists are going to have to deal with some day.”

Everything works this way now. It’s not important what you believe in—it’s important that what you believe in WINS. Like this pot bill in California. I swear to God I heard this entire exchange on CNN.

“Jim, I just don’t think the Democrats should support this pot bill. It’s just polling very poorly right now, I don’t think it has any chance.”

“You’re right, Tom. They’re actually jumping all over the rape-your-neighbor initiative, instead. Polling very, very well right now. They’re very smart to do that.”

(Alright, I made up the part about the rape-your-neighbor initiative… polling well. It was actually more of a 50-50 proposition. Another dicey political gamble by the Democrats! When will they learn?)

—Diego Pelaez Gaetz,
Copy Editor

This article originally appeared in Volume 31, Issue 15, published November 23, 2010.