Are you listening?

Slowing down to hear, absorb and connect

OpinionsSerena Totera — Published September 30, 2025 3 minutes

Did you hear what your friend just told you? Or were you already thinking about what to say next?

If that hits close to home, you’re not alone. Society has conditioned us to see speed as an inevitable part of life—prompting us to keep moving, think ahead, plan our next steps—because in a fast-paced world, stopping feels like falling behind.

We live in an outcome-driven capitalist society that attempts to condense time to fast-track the product. We accelerate the pace of our everyday actions in the hopes that it will maximize productivity and, by extension, profit. 

It goes without saying that technology has only increased the pace of our day-to-day lives. The instant gratification associated with social media and the internet reinforces this relentless need for speed. 

It’s no wonder our conversations have become fast-paced—and it comes at a cost. 

Being so preoccupied with the future ultimately prevents us from showing up as our full selves in the moment. 

We’re not present. We’re distracted. Our minds are 12 steps ahead of our bodies. 

As a result, we’re not fully registering each other’s words. Sure, our ears may pick up on what is being said, but we're not letting it affect us. We’re not hearing one another. We're just responding to keep moving forward rather than engaging with each other meaningfully.

Conversations have become more like simultaneous interjecting monologues rather than true dialogue. 

I came to this realization while studying acting in CEGEP.

For most of my life, I was so focused on what I wanted to say in a conversation that I wouldn't fully grasp what was being said to me. My passion for the topic of conversation would often override my ability to genuinely take in the words being spoken. I was so wrapped up in my own experience that I wasn’t fully cognizant of what the other person was bringing to the table. 

And I definitely wasn’t alone in this. A study conducted by the authors of The Plateau Effect suggests that the human brain can only retain about half of what we hear. This means most of us may miss more than we realize in conversation.

It was a piece of acting advice from my professor that changed my perspective on listening. She emphasized the importance of letting the words hit me, absorbing their impact, before responding to my scene partner. That imagery alone completely transformed how I viewed listening. Not only as an actor, but as a human being.

At the end of the day, we all want to feel seen, valued and heard. Human connection is essential—we thrive in community, not in isolation. To truly show up for one another, we need to slow down, be more present and listen with intent. Only then can the words of others land, resonate and shape the way we relate to each other.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Let the words hit you.

This article originally appeared in Volume 46, Issue 3, published September 30, 2025.