Down With Ronald McDonald
In light of the Concordia Student Union’s proposed boycott of McDonald’s because of a supposed group of gang members that frequents the establishment, the CSU has announced several other boycotts based on their unswerving moral compass:
- The CSU has announced a picket of the local police department—not in protest of the Societé de Police de la Ville Montréal’s mishandling of the Mohammed Anas Bennis case, but because too many homeless people frequent the sidewalk in front of the establishment.
“The police station is great, but how is a respectable Concordia student to walk by these doors in peace with this looming menace?” the CSU stated plainly.
- The CSU also hereby boycotts any student involvement in government weapons programs. The move was not initiated by any anti-war sentiment, but rather due to the nuisance posed by the aggressive promotion of $4 shot Fridays in and around private weapon manufacturing facilities.
- Finally, the CSU wants to make it clear that they do not support in any way the Canadian sale of asbestos abroad. Surprisingly, the move was prompted by a rumour that Jimmy Hoffa’s direct descendents frequent the lobby of the largest asbestos procurers in the country.
“Who knows what poisonous effect gang influence could have on the mass production and sale of a deadly chemical?” said a CSU spokesperson.
So rest easy, Concordia. The CSU is raging fiercely against all the world’s evils… as long as there are shady characters hanging out in front of or around them.
—Diego Pelaez Gaetz,
This article originally appeared in Volume 31, Issue 21, published February 1, 2011.