Oral Panic

_I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year. We have great sex; I feel comfortable and love having intercourse with him. He is extremely gentle and tender with me.
But, sometimes I don’t like oral sex. Most of the time if he tries to go down on me I feel uncomfortable and nervous to the point where I feel I might cry. Other times, I will enjoy it for a little bit but then eventually want it to stop. I also feel nervous when he puts his mouth on my nipples. Why is this?
—Sensitive Situation_

First off, glad to hear you and your boyfriend seem to be doing good and that you’re having great sex! Yay you!

So there are a few things I want to talk about. But first, if you don’t like oral sex, why do you do it? Receiving oral sex is about you, and your partner is probably trying to please you, so if you’re not loving it, then that’s a sign that you shouldn’t be doing it—especially because of the way you describe your feelings about it.

I get the impression that you’re asking about this or not stopping because you might think there’s something more than just not liking it going on, which is completely possible. There’s no real way for me to know what exactly, but I can elaborate on some physical and psychological issues that can arise.

On the physical side, I don’t have much detail on how it actually feels for you, but it could be an issue of sensitivity and thus fear of not being touched right. Based on your question, I’m not 100 per cent sure which parts you have below the belt, but luckily, both apply.

Both the clitoris and the penis can be extremely sensitive because of all the nerve endings, and some people require very specific pressure in order to enjoy themselves. Without that exact pressure, it could be way too much when touched wrong.

The same can go for nipples. If you also happen to be someone who is ticklish, this can make things even harder, as both require a certain loss of control on extremely sensitive parts of your body.

Psychologically, I’m not a psychologist and not qualified to diagnose, but I’ll throw a few ideas out there in case one clicks.

You should ask yourself if this is the first partner you’ve had this problem with, if there’s a specific experience you associate with oral sex, or if you have any suspicions at all as to why this act would make you so uncomfortable. If so, reflect on those experiences.

Body image can also play into this. Are you insecure about either of these body parts? If so, it would make a lot of sense if someone’s face being right there made you nervous.

If you feel like this might be psychological, even if you’re unsure, I strongly recommend talking to someone qualified about it because you can’t always figure things out on your own.

When it comes down to it, I don’t have all the information, and even if I did, I can’t guarantee I’d have the answers. So reflect on what I’ve given you and what you already know and hopefully you’ll have a better idea of what direction to
take this in!

For help working through your sex-related fears, you can always contact Concordia Counselling & Development. The Sir George Williams campus office is reachable at 514-848-2424 ext. 3545, and the one at Loyola is ext. 3555.

- Melissa Fuller

Send questions to sexpancakes.thelink@gmail.com and check out “Sex & Pancakes” on Facebook.

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