Massaging the Male G-Spot

I’m a straight male in a relationship and I want to try massaging my prostate. My partner and I have never explored anal play before so we’re not sure where to start. She asked me to lead the way but I don’t really know what will feel good or how to do it. Any tips on how to start?
—Prostate Explorer

Similar to any other first-time sex act, the place to start is with an openness to explore yourself. I have some tips that can serve as a basic intro to anal and prostate play, but the key is to use these steps as a way to find what feels good for you.

There are some safe sex practices you can adopt when engaging in anal play.

Before getting started, you might want to have a bowel movement to clear the rectum and then clean the surrounding area to limit the presence of fecal matter. However, for some people, fecal matter is part of what excites them.

Either way, you can be safer by wearing latex gloves on any hands involved in the acts and by using a latex barrier (condoms, dental dams, gloves) on any toys or objects. Each of these practices limits direct contact with fluids and fecal matter, which lowers your risk for transmission of STIs and bacteria.

Whether you decide to use barriers or not, it’s also a good idea to cut and file the nails on any penetrating fingers to avoid scratching or tearing the rectal lining, and to use the pad of fingers for stimulation to avoid leading with your nails.

As for how to do this, you might opt to explore on your own before doing it with a partner, but the steps are basically the same. The main difference is that clear communication is essential with a partner since they won’t always be able to tell if something feels good or when you’re ready to continue.

Anal penetration is easiest when the receiving partner is relaxed. This can be difficult your first time since you might feel nervous and physically tense your muscles. Starting slow and with a lot of foreplay is key to facilitating most penetration.

If alone, you might start by fantasizing and touching your body to get in the mood. With a partner you might want to start with kissing, light physical touching or a body massage—anything that turns you on and helps you relax.

From there, you can start by massaging the perineum, which is the area between the testicles and the anus. Many men enjoy this because it stimulates the prostate from the outside. A good starting position is with the receiving partner lying on their back with their legs bent, lifted and spread. Using the pads of fingers, you can rub or press gently on the perineum—whatever feels good to you in the moment. You can try this on its own or paired with stroking your penis or massaging other parts of the body.

Once you’re feeling ready, you can move towards stimulating the anus in the same way, without penetrating it at first. This would be a good time to add lube if you haven’t already since it will feel awesome and help make this easier and safer. Taking your time, check how relaxed the anus is and experiment with partially penetrating it. The lining of the rectum is thin so you want to move slow and avoid forced movements.

Once inside, place the finger on the rectal wall at the front of your body and aim to reach the spot behind the perineum that you were massaging earlier. You’re looking for a round spot of tissue, the prostate. Once you find it, use the pad of your finger to massage it. You can start by applying direct pressure or rubbing it directly at different speeds. At this point, it’s all about exploring what gives you pleasure and following it.

Some people like this stimulation alone; others like to pair it with stimulating the penis. Some people do this until orgasm, while others just enjoy the ride. Where you go from here is up to you. Share this with your partner and hopefully it will help you both feel more equipped to start exploring, but feel free to write back if you have questions on further exploration or the prostate itself!

—Melissa Fuller @mel_full

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