Sex and Pancakes

Hard to Deal

Graphic Melissa Fuller

I have a really embarrassing problem. There’s this girl I like, and every time I’m around her I get hard! I can’t help it and I’m worried she notices. It feels like high school all over again. Is there a medication I can take to stop this from happening?


That doesn’t sound so bad to me, as far as problems go! In all honesty, I totally understand. This used to happen to a boy I liked in high school and it made for some pretty awkward interactions. Hopefully this lady friend is as understanding about the situation as I was.

Keep in mind; I don’t have a penis, so I’ll do my best to advise you without suggesting impossible things.

First of all, erections happen! Especially if you like this girl, it makes sense that it’s happening and that’s truly nothing to be ashamed of. That being said, I’m not sure if there’s a medication that serves the opposite purpose of Viagra, but if there is, I would tell you not to use it.

There’s nothing wrong with getting an erection around a girl you like and it’s no reason to medicate yourself. That being said, there are ways to deal with your situation. I would suggest one or all of these techniques: masturbation, unsexy visualization, and covering.

You could try masturbating before you know you’re going to be seeing this girl. Masturbation is safe, totally natural, healthy, and it can be a great way to help manage sexual urges, stress and anxiety. The goal here is to desensitize yourself to thoughts of her.

This strategy could also backfire though, so you should probably try to not think of her every time you masturbate, since that just might make you think of sex even more when you see her.

Next, think unsexy. I hope that you’re not just thinking about having sex with this girl every time you see her but, even if you are, unsexy thoughts can be helpful.

This does also depend on if you’re more of a visual person, since seeing her may be more powerful than your imagination, but next time you see her think about your grandma. Or your dog. Or really anything non-sexual that you can really focus on.
Again, I don’t have a penis so this is probably much harder than I’m making it sound (pun intended).

If that doesn’t work and this is really stressful and embarrassing for you, then consider your clothing options. Try wearing underwear that will hold your penis closer to your body like briefs or boxer-briefs, or try excusing yourself to the bathroom when you feel it coming on and use your underwear or jeans waistband to minimize the visibility.

You can also try baggier pants, longer shirts, whatever will help draw less attention to the area.

If all else fails, let it happen. No, really—accept that your body is doing this and let it take you along. I can’t guarantee she won’t freak out if she notices, but you can try explaining to her that it’s a reaction you can’t control, that it’s actually pretty embarrassing for you, and you’re sorry if it makes her uncomfortable.

If you make it clear that you have good intentions, she’d be overreacting if she thinks you’re some kind of pervert. Who knows, she might even appreciate your honesty and openness about the situation.

—Melissa Fuller

Submit questions anonymously at and check out “Sex & Pancakes” on Facebook