Sex & Pancakes

Searching for a Free Spot

Where the hell do I have sex with my girlfriend? Both of us live at home. My parents don’t know I’m gay and her family situation is complicated. We don’t drive, so cars are out. We’ve had some sex in private places in public, but it’s often really risky. And winter is cold in Montreal!

—Vagina Vagrant

Living at home can definitely create some difficult situations when it comes to sex and that need for privacy probably isn’t going to go away anytime soon.

My first thought when I read this was that there are actually a lot of “private” public places at Concordia. You’re probably at least a little tired of taking a risk every time you have sex, but desperate times call for desperate measures…

Places some readers and I recommend include upper-floor washrooms in the EV, MB and Library Buildings, or SP and CJ at Loyola.

They’re less likely to be in use, and are usually cleaner since they’re used less. Some of them are even fully lockable from the inside without a key.

Upper stairwells in these buildings are also great since most of them have pretty reliable elevator service, leaving the stairs rarely used and easy to tell when someone is coming up or down them because of echoing.

And you just can’t beat the view from the 11th floor of the EV emergency stairwell!

There are also several unlocked boardrooms on one of the upper levels of the MB building—I haven’t scouted the spots, but I’ve been told that they’re between the 11th-13th floors (they might be locked soon after this goes to print though).

If you’re more of a Loyola dweller, the “secret” tunnel between CJ and SP is guaranteed to be deserted most days after 7:00 p.m. You’ll find it near the CJ Building exit closest to the SP Building.

I also want to mention that I looked into potential consequences, and while I’m still awaiting more info (check out next week’s S&P!) the general response was that if security finds students engaging in sexual activity on campus their protocol is to file a statement and submit it to the Office of Rights and Responsibilities.

Good news: there’s nothing currently stated in the Code of Conduct about consensual sexual activity on campus, but I’m going to go ahead and say that stumbling upon people having sex can be just as awkward as getting caught, so it wouldn’t surprise me if all parties just want to move on with their day.

And if not, you could always try talking your way out of it—or running!

Aside from campus, consider a bad movie. If you can pick one that’s on the verge of being out of theatres and was never really in high demand to begin with, even better. It’s also been a little while since you sent this question, and the weather is warming up so if you have summer spots you might be good to head to them already.

If you really don’t want to get public, try sneaking around at home if there are times where all family members are out working or in school. Maybe add a lock to your bedroom door, if you don’t already have one, for extra peace of mind. If this makes you especially nervous as a permanent solution, maybe consider this option only for special occasions if you really want to do it on a bed.

You can also consider a cheap hotel for special occasions. The cheapest in Montreal are around $50 a night. While it sucks because it comes at a cost, it could be an option for when you really need a nice private night.

I think your situation is one that a lot of people can relate to, and I wish I had more helpful advice, but unfortunately this is a problem that can’t be fully solved until one or both of you are able to move out, so you may just need to search for a situation you can both accept in the meantime.

Good luck!

- Melissa Fuller

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