I Wish I Was A Little Bit Taller

There is a large height difference between my lover and me, and we sometimes have a hard time finding a sex position we can both do. We’ve tried and failed to get into several more adventurous positions and end up getting stuck in the same old poses. I want to switch things up, but could I really be “too short” for doggy style?
—Position Problems

A large height difference can make sex a little awkward at times but it shouldn’t make most sex positions unmanageable. I wish I had more information on the specific positions you’ve tried, because what follows may be too general of a response, but hopefully it addresses your concerns.

There are several positions that will be made more difficult by a height difference between partners, but generally there are variations on every position that you can experiment with. Since you specifically mentioned doggy style, I’ll focus on that one.

In doggy style, differences in leg lengths can make things a little awkward by making it more difficult for your and your partner’s pelvises to meet up, but there are a few things you can try to overcome this.

If the receiving partner is the shorter one, try having them get on all fours but keep their knees together, while the penetrating partner spreads their legs wide so that they are on the outside of the receiving partner’s legs. The wider their stance the better, since they can then lower their pelvis to an appropriate height for penetration and things won’t be as difficult. If this doesn’t even out the height difference enough, you can also place pillows under the receiving partner’s knees to raise them higher.

If the receiving partner is the taller one, do the opposite: have them spread their legs wide and on the outside of the penetrating partner’s legs until they are low enough to match up. The penetrating partner can then also place pillows under their knees for more height.

You can also try the “wheelbarrow” variation of doggy style, which involves the penetrating partner holding the receiving partner’s legs off the bed and around their pelvis. This makes it possible to raise the receiving partner’s pelvis to the necessary height, but can require a little more upper arm strength from both partners.

You might have several surfaces—bed edges, tables, counters, chairs—around your place that happen to be the ideal height for the receiving partner to bend over, so get creative and try using your environment to compensate for the height difference. Remember to keep a few pillows on hand tvo adjust the height for either partner as needed.

It’s also probably a good idea to express to your partner that you’re interested in finding comfortable ways to do these sex positions.

For the next few times you have sex, it could help to shift the focus from pleasing each other and the pressure of performing flawlessly to experimenting with a variety of positions, using different surfaces and pillows to vary height, and communicating a lot about what works for each of you throughout.

The way that certain positions work for you might not be the same as what you’ve seen in porn or elsewhere, but the important thing is to be creative in finding what does work for the two of you.

I also think it’s important to note that frustration can escalate quickly when something isn’t working the way you’d like it to, but a positive approach can go a long way in preventing this. When things aren’t going smoothly try and take the opportunity to tell each other what is working and what isn’t.

We all come in different shapes and sizes, with different levels of flexibility and coordination, so some positions won’t be immediately accessible to everyone. But if you’re communicating and working together, you’re off to a good start.

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