What Turns on The Zodiacs?

How to make you Crush Cum to you: A cosmic Valentine’s day guide

Graphic by Myriam Ouazzani

With Valentine’s Day coming up, one might feel encouraged to pursue someone romantically. Wouldn’t it be nice to already have an idea of what your crush is into? That is just one of many ways astrology can be helpful and applied to everyday life.

For the skeptics out there, no, the whole population of the world is not divided into twelve personality types. But for the sake of making this short and sweet and getting into what your special person might be interested in, here is some quick astrology 101! To find out about you and your crush’s astrological compatibility looking at your sun signs (your birthday, the sign you are probably familiar with) can only do so much. 

Yes, it can be accurate, but to get the full idea of what someone likes, you want to find out which signs govern both their Venus and Mars signs. Venus is the planet of love, dictating how you love and want to be loved, and Mars is the planet of aggression and assertion, especially regarding one’s sex life. 

Having compatibility and complementariness in two individuals' birth charts is important for the well-being of a long-lasting relationship and to have a healthy and satisfactory sex life. Love and Libido are obviously very individualistic and depend on a myriad of factors, but the stars can guide us in terms of knowing how a person communicates their emotions, gives and receives love and affection, and more. So now you need to find the person’s birth chart. 

How do you do that you ask? You will need the person's place of birth and time of birth (yes, it is that time they are going to have to shoot their mom the most random text ever), and the person’s birthday. After that, a plethora of free sites and apps exist such as Astro café, nebula, and more; they will do the calculations for you. If you want to be extra and take no chances, you might want to look at the person’s moon sign as well, as the moon rules one’s emotions.

Here is the list of the twelve signs of the zodiac:  

Make some last-minute plans or trips; it’s the type of adrenaline Aries live for.

Spicy:  If they choke you, choke them back, and put up a fight.



Do anything involving food; try to involve their whole palette. Seduce your Taurus with wine, food, and dessert.

Spicy: Cuddling and/or a massage as foreplay will get them in the mood.



Geminis get bored easily, so make the extra effort to redirect the conversation to make it about them or something they are passionate about.

Spicy: They won’t admit it, but they LOVE to be teased, make them yearn a little.



Most cancers are not looking for casual fun, and even the ones that are will still expect grand gestures of romance. They are the signs of rom-com. Get big! 

Spicy: Eye contact and kisses on the forehead during the deed. LOTS of tongue and making out as foreplay should do the trick! 


Praise them but in a non-cliché way. Be original with it, (yes, they have heard before that they look good, is that all you’ve got?)

Spicy: Good girl/good boy kink. Opposite of a degradation kink. If they are doing a good job, let them know, preferably loudly.



Challenge them, make them rethink something they thought they were sure of. Intellectual foreplay is the way to go with a Virgo. 

Spicy: Have sex somewhere almost public, the fear of getting caught is very thrilling to a Virgo’s calculated approach.



Do something fun, different, and social for your first date with them. Avoid the “romantic dinner and a movie” date. Instead opt for a more outdoorsy and fun type of date (mini golf, carting, laser tag,) that kind of thing. A little bit like Gemini they get bored easily, they are THE hoe sign. 

Spicy: Have you seen the way a Libra looks at you when they want you? Return that same look and hold it.



Be toxic in a healthy way. Even if a Scorpio won’t claim toxicity, a part of them loves it so much. The soft lovey dovey partner is not made for Scorpio’s need for thrill and drama. 

Spicy: I hate you so much/makeup sex (yes pick up a fight if there were none, to begin with, risk of not getting any at the end but it’s a risk worth taking for a Scorpio.)



Act as though you don’t care (childish? Yes. Effective, with Sags? Yes)

Spicy: They are the signs most likely to indulge in BDSM, if that’s not your thing at all show them what you would be willing to explore, they’ll love your curiosity. They are close second to Libra’s level of hoe.



Show off your planning skills. A three-part date, if flawlessly planned, can win them over. They are overachievers themselves, and seeing you take initiative will please them.

Spicy: YOU’RE the sub now, end of discussion.



Talk to them about the most random stuff, conspiracy theories, fun fact, weird news, and such. 

Spicy: Be spontaneous, initiate intimacy at the most random time and place and you might just get them going.



Romanticize the little things, a little simple date can go a long way if there’s a lot of thought behind it. 

Spicy:  Be a little possessive of them, ask/tell them “Are you mine? Is this all mine?”

Please note that if you are in a heterosexual relationship, and are  planning  on having unprotected sex on valentine’s day you have a chance of bringing another Scorpio into this world, do as you please with this information. 

You are now less in the dark and equipped to romance your person! If you have been with your partner for a while and had no idea about any of this, try it out. You can thank me later.