• Graphic Joshua Barkman

Even during off-peak hours, the Concordia University elevators are useless.

Waiting for a ride up, I had time to knit a blanket, read all of War and Peace, and make a nice panini to enjoy as a pre-lunch snack.

After getting squished like a sardine and punched in the face 47 times by complete strangers trying to get off at their stops, I was finally freed from the evil fortress; but soon enough I was on my way back down, at which point I contemplated finding a sturdy rope to tie to the side of the building in an attempt to rappel my way down the structure, slashing the time it would have taken using the elevator by about four-and-a-half hours.

Never thought I’d say this, but I actually miss the escalators.

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