Flush Fuss

Graphic Vivien Leung

I’m sorry, but automatic toilets are sexist.

Men, I get it why you love them. I’m sure that the only thing more awesome than peeing standing up is jumping aside right after to the sound of a flushing toilet. Hands-free the whole way through! It sounds amazing, it really does.

Unfortunately, not all of us were blessed with this superpower. And for females who stand up to clean themselves, the toilet’s flush the moment you stand is a terrible waste of water and, frankly, annoying.

This is Canada, and I think we all expect gender-equal bathrooms. Automatic toilets are stupid, man-favouring tools that only serve to further entrench the toxic, patriarchical roots of our society.

They need to go, now.

I have no sympathy for anyone who would be sad to see these robot lavatories disappear. Honestly, how lazy can you be? I’m sure we can all manage to flush. And for those who cry germs, wash your hands after. You should really be doing that anyway, you sick fuck.

—Julia Wolfe,
Managing Editor

This article originally appeared in Volume 31, Issue 29, published April 5, 2011.