Experienced: A queer love story that starts with you
Kate Young’s newest novel is a fresh, sexy romantic comedy
Kate Young, writer of cookbooks and sapphic love stories, published her first queer romantic comedy Experienced in May. Young takes you along a journey of self-discovery and queer love that is steamy, sweet and witty.
Picture Chappell Roan’s album The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess as a book. Experienced is bold and uproarious, yet tender with a touch of yearning.
The story follows Bette, a 29-year-old newly-out lesbian, who falls irrevocably in love with the woman of her dreams, Mei. Mei is everything Bette has hoped for in a partner. Mei is mysterious, attentive, sweet and hot—very hot. The blissful early months of Bette’s first queer relationship soon come to a crashing halt when Mei suggests they go on a three-month break.
Mei encourages Bette to sleep with other women and experience the queer dating life she missed out on in her 20s. That way, they can return to each other and be “sure” of their feelings. But Bette loves Mei, and she loves to be loved by Mei. She doesn’t want to be without her. The thought makes her sick. Nevertheless, maybe because her love for Mei is stronger than her love for herself, she agrees and counts down the days.
With the help of her best friend Ash, Bette attempts to climb out of a well of heartbreak and indulge in a “sex odyssey.” Her first instinct is to get on a dating app. She’s just looking for sex—it shouldn’t be that hard to find someone, right?
Her first match is with Ruth, a vibrant bisexual woman in her 30s looking for something serious. An unsuccessful first date turns into a successful friendship. Ruth quickly becomes Bette’s queer mentor, teaching her how to casually date as a woman who likes women. Throughout the book, their connection develops, feelings emerge and the lines between friendship and romance start to blur.
Young’s writing is comedic and real. She writes: “After a minute or so of standing still, [Bette] put Phoebe Bridgers on, dropped her phone back in her pocket, and walked home, utterly deflated.” Her choice of words made me smile, chuckle, bite my nails and even clutch my blanket at times.
Bette’s journey of accepting her queerness is relatable because it’s messy.
In the world of online dating, you’re not always going to have wins. She’s experienced it all: bad sex, broken hearts, self-hate and self-acceptance.
Bette is a woman a decade older than myself, who is still learning from her queer journey. She shows us that it’s okay not to have everything figured out.
An opportunity that’s meant for you will never pass you by. Whether you try to fight it, avoid it or dig your nails into something else, it’s going to happen. When you accept that, life makes room for new experiences.
As the title implies, everything that happens to us―or for us—makes us more experienced.
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