CSU Executive Criticized for Throwing Parties, Throws Party to “Rebrand Parties”

Special IssueHunter S. Gonzo — Published April 1, 2013

The initial party that sparked the need for rebranding parties was advertised as an “educational experience.”

The event immediately came under fire for being more of a lesson in acute sugar and alcohol intoxication rather than the informational session it was promised to be.

This was confirmed by multiple attendees, who told The Broken Mirror that the candy-to-information ratio was disproportionately in favour of the former.

“We feel as though our parties have recently taken a lot of heat, so we thought it was time to rethink what parties can be, and really just open up students’ perceptions,” said VP Hybrid Lexus Toyota.

“So, we thought we’d go straight to the nervous system with some more, well, potent compounds. As we all know, it can be difficult to induce paradigm shifts without first dissolving the ego.”

Wary of both the union and university’s stance against substance abuse, however, the union’s designers turned to fractals and geometric patterns instead of text to relay their message.

Despite ambiguous advertising being one of the previous party’s weak points, the posters for the new party are devoid of meaning altogether.

Instead, posters featuring brightly coloured, abstract geometric shapes and patterns, and something to the effect of “Lucy being in the punch.” Whatever that means.

“Ambiguity is what you make it, you know? We just thought we’d let the infinitely self-repeating nature of fractals speak for itself,” said Kheena Brinnes, CSU’s graphic designer.

To facilitate ego dissolution and perceptual expansion, the event’s venue was complete with strobe lights and glow-in-the-dark paint.

It seems to have been a winning combination for some.

“I’ve never even been so far as to do look more like than this party!” exclaimed one sweaty, bug-eyed student.

In response to a request for the party’s budget and expenditures, the executives explained that the financial documentation was inevitably unavailable due to the nature of some of the expenses.

“Our guy only deals with cash and doesn’t do receipts,” said VP Finance Lenny Dodo.

With files from Attorney Molski.
NOTE: This is spoof content. All characters and events in this article—even those based on real people—are entirely fictional.