An Open Letter to MTLBlog and Irina Terehova
You Crossed a Line With Your Date-rape Listicle
After taking an hour or so trying to digest MTLBlog’s “10 Signs She’s DTF That Very Same Night,” I can’t keep it down any longer.
While I can usually stomach most of the click-baity stuff that pollutes my newsfeed, and in all honesty will be the first to open any and all links involving furry things playing musical instruments, this post crossed a line.
The issue is not whether the article is a piece of irreverent fluff—the issue is that it’s a dangerous endorsement of rape culture.
The post essentially excuses men in thinking they’re entitled to sex without explicit consent, and is the exact kind of “she was asking for it” bullshit that has been consistently and irrevocably destroying lives.
At best it might result in a terrible date, and worst it might lead to sexual violence.
Even more damaging is the fact that it was written by a woman. This scares me because some mouth-breathing knuckle dragger might take that as meaning it holds innate validity.
Here’s the truth.
If you want to know if you’re going to get laid, it’s not rocket science, it’s not cryptic and it doesn’t involve assumptions (remember what they say about people who assume).
You’ll know if she wants sex because she will say so.
Explicitly. Enthusiastically. Coherently. Repeatedly.
With that in mind, I’ve rewritten your list…
10 Signs That Don’t Mean She’s DTF That Very Same Night
1.She casually touches you
She accidentally brushed her arm against yours. Now I know what you’re thinking, this must be her body’s way of letting you know she wants sex, right?! Wrong.
Just because a woman touches your hand does not mean she wants to touch other parts of your body.
2. She doesn’t want the night to end
She likes your company, and you like hers. Arrange to meet again.
3. Her bra and panties match
But how could you possibly know this?! You couldn’t, of course, unless you asked. However, you definitely should not ask because that posits you as a potential sex offender.
Instead, try asking her about her interests; believe it or not, women have interests.
4. She talks/jokes about sex
Is her sex joke implicit consent? No. It just means she’s funny and over the age of 15.
5. She kisses you first
Doesn’t mean she wants sex.
6. The makeout session is really hot
—Still doesn’t mean she wants sex.
7. She jokes about being drunk and taken advantage of
This is not a joke; she’s probably uncomfortable and trying to let you know.
8. She fixes her cleavage or touches her lip
Her bra might be pricking her, or her lips could be chapped.
9. She doesn’t look at her phone
10. She tells you she’s too drunk to drive home
She’s too drunk to drive home; she’s too drunk to consent to sex.
I think it goes without saying that part of ending sexual violence is recognizing it before it happens and speaking up when something raises a red flag (for instance, a rapey blog post).
It’s also good to note that there are resources on campus, like the Sexual Assault Resource Centre for those 1 in 5 women who will experience sexual violence while attending school.
Since this article was first published, MTLBlog has updated their listicle, which is now titled “10 Signs She’s Expecting to Sleep With You That Night.” You can see screenshots of the original listicle, which was the basis for this article, here, here, here and here .
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