The Right Way to Stroke It?

I’m a 24-year-old male and healthy outside of one thing that I’m not quite sure about and that I haven’t been able to find an answer to. I haven’t been able to cum in about six months. Everything works until I finish, and then nothing ever comes out. For years, I would squeeze my penis at the point of ejaculation to keep anything from coming out, but eventually stopped and started letting it happen. And then I spent a month without masturbating and my current problem began. Should I be worried?
—Ejaculatory Worry

I don’t think you should necessarily worry, but you should see a doctor because that is definitely a sign that something’s up.

It’s not necessarily something serious—for example, it could just be a bacterial infection—but I’m not a medical professional. If you’re unsure about something, my advice is always to get it checked out.

I recommend Concordia Health Services, your local Centre local de services communautaires or calling info-santé (8-1-1 from any Montreal number) for help finding a location. And if you’re experiencing any pain, then I suggest heading to the emergency room.

That being said, it’s possible that this has nothing to do with your masturbating practice. There’s a pretty big following of men who stop themselves from ejaculating for a variety of reasons and in different ways. Still, I don’t recommend it, because there aren’t any studies or medical evidence in its favour or on its long-term side effects.

Some swear by it and report no negative consequences after decades, while others report issues like bacterial infections, prostatitis and damage to the urethra. If you find masturbation enjoyable without it, then it’s probably just a good call to try to change the habit, although I totally recognize that that’s not necessarily easy to do.

Many of us develop masturbation techniques pretty early on and typically without guidance, which means there are probably a lot of “unique” methods out there. I’m sure people had a variety of reactions when they read this question, but that many immediately thought of their own techniques, or ones they had as teens that they maybe grew out of.

It might be interesting to know that many sex therapists consider stroking your penis with a curved hand while lying down on your back or in a seated position until ejaculation to be the “proper” technique for male masturbation.

This definition is, of course, very specific. It also assumes that people and sexual pleasure fit into very specific boxes. It was first introduced in response to the prone technique, where you masturbate face down, essentially fucking the bed, a pillow or hand, and the death grip, where you masturbate using an extremely tight grip.

These techniques started a concern that developing habits that don’t simulate the sensation of sexual penetration closely enough could mean later difficulties in someone’s sexual life.

Both methods are considered problematic because they apply a kind of pressure to the penis that can’t be replicated by penetrative sex and run the risk of desensitizing the penis to lighter pressure or touches.

The death grip even recently gained some mainstream infamy when some people tried to use it to fuel the claim that masturbating ruins sex, without specifying the problems with the technique itself.

So where am I going with all this? Basically, there’s no right or wrong way to masturbate, because ultimately it depends on what kind of sex you’re going to be having and what you enjoy.

At the same time, some methods could cause potential long-term health or sexual response issues, so it never hurts to talk to a doctor if you have doubts, worries, or think you might be experiencing negative effects as a result.

Submit your questions anonymously at and check out “Sex & Pancakes” on Facebook. Need some extra help? You can always contact Concordia Counselling & Development at 514-848-2424 ext. 3545 for SGW and ext. 3555 for Loyola. Got a quick health question? Call info-santé at 8-1-1 from any Montreal number.

Photo of the Week »

« Return of the BI/OG

By commenting on this page you agree to the terms of our Comments Policy.