I’m a 24-year-old male and have been dating my girlfriend of the same age for a few months now. Our sex is great, but I’ve really wanted to just bury my face in her ass and lick it as well as her vagina. Would it be pleasurable for her if I lick her asshole, and can it be done safely?
—Assking for a Friend
Unfortunately, I have no idea if this would be pleasurable for your girlfriend since she’s the only person who can tell you for sure.
Some women really love oral stimulation of the anus and some really don’t. Just like any other sex act it’s a matter of personal preference, so if this is something you’re really interested in doing, ask her! If that sounds intimidating or you’re not sure how to lead into the topic, try starting a general conversation with her about what you both like in bed and lead into fantasies and things you’d like to try, while ensuring the tone is fun, reciprocal and hot. It might help to let her talk first and listen without judgment since she might have something of her own to bring up, and it helps to keep an open mind if you’re hoping she does the same. She might be into the idea or she might not, but either way, only good things can come from learning to better navigate these conversations together—even if that means being able to say no to each other when one of you isn’t interested in trying something new.
To answer your second question, analingus is considered a low-risk sex act and can be pretty safe, provided the right precautions are taken. The risks that come with unprotected analingus are the transmission of herpes, HPV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis and hepatitis, as well as the exchange of bacteria and parasites that the body regularly disposes of through fecal matter. Luckily, there are a few simple steps you can take to make it safer for both of you.
Dental dams are the easiest way to protect against STIs during oral sex on the anus. A dam is a sheet of latex that you place over the parts you’re pleasuring. You can pick them up for free at the Gender Advocacy Centre or buy them at any sex shop. If you have a condom handy, you can also cut the tip off and then cut it lengthwise for a makeshift dental dam that works just as well. Putting lube on the receiving partner’s side of the dam can make it a little more comfortable and enjoyable.
The receiving partner can also clean up with a moist soft towel beforehand to reduce risks. This should be done gently and without fragranced soaps or anything that could irritate the skin, since irritations and small cuts or scrapes can act as an easy entry point to bacteria. It’s also important to always go vagina to ass and never the other way around if performing oral sex on both, because introducing bacteria from the anus into the urethra can cause a urinary tract infection or other vaginal infections.
Finally, if you and your partner are sexually monogamous, consider getting tested together if you’re thinking of doing anything unprotected. Many STIs don’t show symptoms, so it’s always a good idea to get tested after having new sexual partners or when entering a relationship. For a list of testing resources, go to the Sex & Pancakes website mentioned below!
The Gender Advocacy Centre is located at 2110 Mackay St. and you can visit genderadvocacy.org for more info.
Submit your question anonymously at sex-pancakes.com and check out “Sex & Pancakes” on Facebook.
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