Uncensored: Women are sexual beings

Addressing the stigma behind the female libido

OpinionsKassidy Belle Jacobs — Published October 2, 2024 3 minutes

Through all of it, I have learned that it is shameful for people to know that women have sex.

Over the summer, I learned that lesson in the most humiliating way.

After a night of fun with my boyfriend, I woke up with the tiniest hickey on my neck. In an effort to cover up the shades of blue and purple marking my skin, I grabbed for my favourite concealer, praying that it would cover up the evidence of my promiscuous actions.

Believing my love bite was unnoticeable, I headed to work. As I sat on my laptop typing the day away, my boss asked me to join a one-on-one Zoom meeting. Moments later, she appeared on my screen, delivering the most mortifying news: “A co-worker has said that the hickey on your neck is disrespectful and disruptive to their work, I suggest putting on a scarf.” 

The statement left me lost for words. First came embarrassment, followed by anger. Why is it so taboo to know that women have sex? 

Men have been allowed to come into the workplace with visible sexual marks without being disciplined. I had to sit and listen to their stories of sexual prowess, their love for orgies and swinger parties, and what turned them on. My funny stories of hanky-panky were met with silence. These men were seen as rock stars in bed, and I was simply the town harlot.

As I logged off that Zoom meeting, I began typing my letter of resignation. I will not stay in a place where I am chastised for my actions based on my gender.

This sentiment isn’t only shared in the workplace, but in all areas of life, from the movies we watch to the songs we listen to. Trying to escape the societal standards surrounding female sexuality feels nearly impossible. Men can rap about how many women they’ve slept with in a night, but for artists such as Megan Thee Stallion and Sexyy Red, talking about what they want in bed is synonymous with trashy.

I’ve noticed that we as women are constantly plagued with judgment surrounding our intimacy. Whether it’s the pharmacist shooting us dirty looks for purchasing Plan B, or guys concluding that we are sluts for having a Tinder account, there’s no escape from their verdicts.

We wonder why women struggle to reach an orgasm, why we can’t relax and enjoy ourselves in bed, without realizing that everyone fosters this historical societal norm that a woman’s sexuality is to be kept hush-hush, a secret that is only for us to know.

Women are naturally sexual beings.

It’s time to stop objectifying us as sluts for making it known that we have sex. Instead, we should have the freedom to share our likes and preferences, to create a culture that embraces, explores, and credits the importance of female sexuality.