Sex & Pancakes

So, You’re Into Girls?

I’ve always liked and dated guys, but I met this girl and I think I have a crush on her. I don’t think it’s weird to like girls, but if I’m gay I think I’d know it by now. I’m still definitely into guys and I can’t imagine doing anything with a girl, but thinking about it really makes me hot.

So you think you might be into ladies. There are definitely worse things that could happen to a girl.

The first thing I thought of when I read your question is the Kinsey scale, which places sexual orientation on a scale of 0-6, where zero is exclusively heterosexual, six is exclusively homosexual, and three is bisexual. I really like this scale because it serves as a reminder that our sexual orientation doesn’t need to be so rigid. You can like guys and you can like girls at the same time, you can like one more but still be into the other sometimes—and it can all change at anytime.

It’s also always good to note that there can be a big difference between fantasy and reality. Sometimes we can be really turned on by people or situations when we’re fantasizing, but in reality we would never want them to actually happen. So if you masturbate one night while thinking about your best friend’s boyfriend, you would probably (or at least I hope) never actually fuck him. So while thinking about making out with a girl might really turn you on, maybe actually doing it wouldn’t have the same effect.

On the flip side, this could be the first girl you’ve ever felt attracted to, and maybe it’s because she’s just the first girl to really catch your attention. As for not being able to imagine actually being with a girl, maybe that’s just because you’ve never actually been with one.

So, question: would it bother you if you were into girls? It sounds to me like it wouldn’t, so I don’t think you have a problem so much as a decision that there’s no real pressure to make.

Do you want to explore this a bit? Possibly with this girl you’re kinda into, or do you want to wait it out and see if these feelings continue? I guess what I’m saying is don’t worry too much about “figuring out what it all means,” just go with your gut. You might explore a bit and not really be into it, or maybe this experience will be one of the best things you’ve ever done.

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This article originally appeared in Volume 32, Issue 03, published September 13, 2011.