Sex and Pancakes

Dear Melissa,

I went on a steamy date… Well it was steamy up until I asked her to give me a blowjob so I could get hard before putting the condom on. I asked her what the big deal was, while my mouth was dripping wet from vagina from going down on her, and she said she finds sucking dick disgusting, especially if it’s flaccid. And by then, my penis was completely limp. Is it bedroom faux pas to ask a girl to give my dick some lip service before suffocating it with plastic?

Dear lip service,

My opinion: you weren’t the one who committed bedroom faux pas here. If someone is asking for it or taking it, then they should be willing to give it. I don’t know how the date ended but I could understand why this wasn’t the foreplay you were looking for. I probably would have walked right out of that room in your situation, not because she didn’t want to suck your dick but because she told you right after she made you work for her, and in an extremely rude and disrespectful way.

I love this question because it’s a male perspective on a complaint I’ve heard a lot, but more often from women. A lot of women tell me that they’re willing to give head but the guys they date aren’t always willing to do the same in return. I always ask why they give their partner something they won’t get in return if it bothers them. Sure, some people do genuinely love sucking dick, but isn’t it hard to do it with someone who thinks your pussy isn’t good enough to lick?

No one should be forced to give head if they don’t want to, that’s a given. However, they shouldn’t expect their partner to do it either, unless of course they really want to. Sex should go both ways and it’s not really fair that you got the short end here. I’m sure she would have been offended if you were disgusted when she asked you to lick her.

Something you should consider is how you got around to going down on her. What I mean by that is did you just kind of go for it and she went along with it? Was she really into it and let you do it for a while or until orgasm? Or was it over pretty soon after it started with an awkward response on her end? Did you then say something like “Can you suck my dick before I suffocate it with plastic”?

It’s possible she isn’t into head, getting or giving, but you would probably notice since it’s pretty obvious when a girl isn’t comfortable with a guy being down there! Maybe she truly hates giving head and finds it disgusting. Or maybe she was embarrassed. A surprising amount of people tell me they hate giving head because they’ve avoided it for so long that they’re just not comfortable and worried about doing it “wrong.” FYI that doesn’t mean you should go tell this (or any other) girl that she’ll like giving head if she practises or approach her with that assumption.

Sometimes it’s good to know what a person’s into before you put yourself out there and end up giving more than you’ll get. If you’re planning on seeing this girl again you should probably let her know that saying that sucking dick is disgusting isn’t too far off from saying dick itself is disgusting, and there’s no better way to make a guy limp.

—Melissa Fuller

This article originally appeared in Volume 31, Issue 14, published November 16, 2010.