Sex and Pancakes
The Skinny on Squirting
I’m sleeping with a guy and things are going great—except for one thing. He’s convinced he can make me “squirt.” He says that every girl he’s been with did but I’m pretty sure it’s not happening and I’m sick of feeling like something is wrong with me. Can every girl do it?
—Trouble Squirting
Simplest answer—no one really knows. Squirting (aka female ejaculation or gushing) is probably the least-agreed-upon topic in female sexuality. So let’s explore the debates:
On the yes side, the argument is that all women can, but most don’t, because they don’t know how or aren’t comfortable enough to let it happen.
Squirting is often explained as an intense orgasmic reaction from stimulation of the G-spot—another lovely thing that not all professionals agree exists!
The G-spot (also known as the urethral sponge) is located directly over the urethra (where pee and mystery squirting liquid come out of) and the Skene’s gland (where the squirting liquid is said to originate from). Stimulation of the G-spot can make women feel like they need to pee, so many of them will stop or contract their vaginal muscles to avoid peeing, when really they’re preventing themselves from squirting.Another related theory is that every woman is capable of squirting and actually does at every orgasm, but for some women it’s internal and absorbed and for others it’s external.
The difference is in the women who embrace the peeing feeling and “let it out,” and the women who contract their pubococcygeus (PC) muscle during orgasm, which is the muscle you use to start and stop your urine flow—or your squirting.
It’s worth noting, at this point, that there have been studies done examining the make-up of this liquid, and they prove that it is not urine. However, as with everything else in this area of interest, those studies are questioned.
The naysayers claim there is no concrete scientific proof since thorough and focused research has yet to be conducted—and many women haven’t squirted. It isn’t always a case of denying it exists, but rather that they don’t believe what is happening is “ejaculation.”
Some professionals have associated squirting with stress incontinence, commonly experienced when some women pee a little when they sneeze too hard, so they assume that if you orgasm too hard, you pee.
So what do I think? There hasn’t been enough research done specifically on squirting to know what it is and why it happens, but women are clearly experiencing something and it’s really problematic when medical professionals ignore or dismiss their lived experiences. Can every woman do it? That I don’t know.
I definitely think that if you want to try to make it happen, there’s a necessary combination of emotional and physical factors—not only do you physically need to be capable of doing it, you also need to be comfortable doing it.
My guess is you’ll never do it with this guy putting the everyone-else-can-do-it kind of pressure on you, though, and this should be about doing it for your pleasure.
If you want to actually try learning how to squirt, it’s really about stimulating your G-spot, embracing that peeing sensation, no matter how intimidating that seems, and letting it all out.
There’s a sexologist on YouTube that you should check out who explains it (complete with hand motions!)—search NewWorldSexEducation and watch “Benefits, How To, and Need to Know Info About Female Ejaculation.”
If you try and it doesn’t happen, don’t look at it as you failing or as something being wrong with you because there actually isn’t any proof that every woman can even do it. Our bodies and sexualities are all different—so relax.
If it happens, it happens, and if it doesn’t, you’re not any less of a woman, and your partner shouldn’t think any less of you or himself.—Melissa Fuller
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