Sex and Pancakes

First-Time Fisting

OpinionsMelissa Fuller — Published October 17, 2011

My girlfriend and I (a lesbian couple) talk about fisting sometimes and we both really want to try giving and getting it but I don’t want to fuck it up the first time and never get to try again. I’ve tried looking online but it’s hard to get through all the stupid forum responses. Can you tell me how to safely fist my lover?

— Timid But Tempted

I absolutely can! For those of you that don’t know what fisting is, fisting, aka handballing, involves inserting a hand into the vagina or ass and shaping it into a fist for sexual pleasure.

Step 1: Have a good talk with your partner to make sure you both really want to fist. It’s important for the receiving partner to remain calm and relaxed—and that’s going to be impossible if they aren’t into doing it in the first place.

Keep in mind that for the receiver, being fisted can trigger an intense emotional reaction and feelings of vulnerability. Trust, understanding, and strong communication are essential throughout.

Step 2: Groom yourself before getting all up in there. Make sure your nails are neatly trimmed and rounded (you should probably file them too) to avoid scratching or tearing. Wash your hands thoroughly before and after, wear a latex glove and switch to a new one if you move between her ass and vagina. This will lower the risk of STIs, and can even make the process easier since it’s super slippery with lube.

Step 3: Get your partner hot—really hot. You may even want to bring her to orgasm before getting started, as it will relax her muscles and provide some natural lube.

Step 4: Add lots of lube. Lube is something you can never have too much of, so cover your latex-y hand really well and when you think you have enough, add a little more.

Step 5: Ease your way into it. Start with one finger and add more fingers as you stretch her more. Don’t force this, and remember that fisting isn’t necessarily going to happen on your first try. This will also really depend on the size of your fist and the size of her vagina.

Step 6: Getting over the knuckles. The knuckles are the hardest part, so once you’ve reached five fingers, be gentle and prepare yourselves. The goal here is to make your hand as small as possible, so curl your fingers around your thumb as if you’re making a shadow puppet talk, and try to be as thin as possible.

Move slowly and let the receiver lead the way, since any sudden movements she’s unprepared for could lead to muscle or tissue injuries.

Step 7: Next is the big push. When ready, make your way into the vagina. The receiver should remain calm—breathing slowly and visualizing her vagina opening up to let your hand in with ease. It’s normal for this to be a bit uncomfortable for both of you, and it’s up to the receiver to say something if it becomes too uncomfortable.

Step 8: Once you slip through, roll your hand into a fist. You might feel a lot of pressure, but whatever you do, don’t pull out or move suddenly; this could actually hurt her more than staying inside.

Step 9: Once you’re in and you’re both getting used to it, start to experiment. Depending on how she’s feeling, try different things like slowly pumping inside her, twisting your hand around or pulsating your fist. See what she likes and act accordingly.

Step 10: Once you’re done, make the shadow puppet shape again and slowly and gently slide out. You can try doing this as she orgasms since her vaginal contractions might help ease your hand out.

That completes this guide to fisting a pussy. You can also anal fist—with similar steps—but the process can be a little more challenging and intimidating since anal muscles aren’t as flexible as vaginal ones. Feel free to write in for an anal specific guide, but in the meantime, fist away!

—Melissa Fuller
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