Sex and Pancakes

My boyfriend is on the small side and I’ve always believed in safe sex but it’s hard when even slim condoms fall off or get stuck in me. How can we be safe? Also, is there any way to make sex more pleasurable in light of this problem?
—Small Package

Dear Small Package,

It really sucks when the one thing that’s supposed to protect you is ruining your experience. I’m glad to hear you haven’t completely given up on safe sex. Here are a few suggestions.

First of all, it’s important that you don’t keep using condoms that are too big because a badly fitted condom means less protection from STIs and pregnancy since it could fall off or tear more easily from friction. I don’t know which “slim condoms” you tried, but for more condom options you should definitely look online. Tons of sites offer different brands and sizes, and will deliver right to your door. Some even have trial packs so you get a few different types and brands to try out. Condom Depot (condomdepot.org) has a great article with tips on specific brands, their sizes and what each is better for called “Differences in Snugger Fit condoms.”

If you search that you should find it pretty easily.

Female condoms are also an option. Female condoms are put inside you before sex (anal or vaginal). I’ve never used one myself but if this option interests you there are tons of resources online to explain how to use them if you search “female condoms how-to.” Although these aren’t available at Concordia Health Services, McGill’s Shag Shop carries the brand “Reality” and they’re $1.50 a pop.

As for pleasure…

There are 3 positions you should try to get more out of a small penis:

1. Doggie-style—with you bent over, he enters you from behind. The more you arch your back, the more you should feel.

2. Over the shoulders—lie on your back, spread your legs and lift them towards your ears. Have him enter you and place your legs over his shoulders. The higher your legs, the more you should feel.

3. Stomach—lie on your stomach, cross your ankles and have him enter you from behind.
You should also have as much foreplay as you can handle before sex because the hornier you are, the easier it’ll be for you to come. At the same time, head or fingering/hand jobs aren’t always thought of as a main event—but that doesn’t mean they can’t be.

You both might be feeling some pressure to deliver if orgasms have been challenging, and a really great way to take some of that pressure off is to make sure you come at least once before fucking. If you’d rather it happen during, then you should try rubbing your clit or having him rub it while in you.

Sex toys could also be a big help, but you should only consider them if you think your boyfriend would be down because the last thing you want to do is make him feel even smaller next to a huge vibrator. If you’re considering sex toys, maybe look at ones with a less phallic look.

It can be really frustrating when sex or orgasms don’t come easy, but sometimes the harder you have to work for them the better they’ll be! So many girls buy into the “Bigger is Better” mentality, but when it comes down to it, if you care for the person and you both stay open-minded you won’t be disappointed. So kudos to you both and I wish you lots of awesome sex.

McGill Shag Shop—mcgill.ca/studenthealth/boutique/about/

—Melissa Fuller

This article originally appeared in The Link Volume 31, Issue 11, published October 26, 2010.

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