Opinion: Concordia Must Take Action Against Feline Students

It Isn’t Fair for Humans

Special IssuePavlo Tull — Published April 1, 2016

Don’t get me wrong: in general, I have no problem with cats. I think they’re cute, sure—who doesn’t? But they have a time and a place. If a cat wants to get a higher education to advance its standing in life, more power to it. Call me a bigot if you want, but I’m not paying thousands of dollars to share a school with animals.

I approached some cat students to ask them why they were here, but none of them would even talk to me.

“Meow,” said an adorable grey Tabby, before slinking away.

Another, who let me get close, ignored my questions and instead tried to force me to give her scratchies. Is this the kind of environment we want to promote?

Cat universities exist for a reason. They should stay at a school where they can get the training they deserve. Keep cats away from us humans. Cats, as we know, spread disease. They leave mouse corpses in the halls. They poo in the open. They show their buttholes to everyone.

And, in the classroom, cats are a bad influence. They distract from the lesson, asking for cuddles from teachers and peers. They nap constantly. Their purring is infuriating, and I don’t understand it. Their claws are sharp and dangerous. They walk on my keyboard while I’m taking notes—and then they ask me for the notes afterwards.

What’s worse is that the school is doing nothing to stop these cats from running around. Instead the administration is making them feel at home!

Administrators wouldn’t talk to me, cat sympathizers that they are, so I went to the streets—also without much success.

“I actually didn’t realize there was a cat problem,” said Marshall Carell, from the Studio Arts department. “I mean, I’m more focused on not being expelled for protesting last year.”

One student, however, agreed. Andrea Jameson, a third-year economics student and activist for dog students said, “I think the university should get rid of them. It’s not fair.”

She sees the solution as allowing dogs to enroll, instead.

“I’m more of a dog person. “she said. “That way I could take classes with my dog. It would be fun.”

Of course it would be fun, but school isn’t supposed to be fun. We’re supposed to learn things, important things, so we can get jobs. We not supposed to learn how to play fetch.

When asked if she would like to open the school to other animals, Andrea didn’t seem open to the idea. “Especially no birds. Those things freak me out.”

She’s right. By letting cats in, we’ve opened the door to letting anyone and anything in. It has to stop here. The point remains: I no longer want to be subjected to these cats. Or dogs. Or birds. We deserve better.