The Bell Tolls 57 Times for Thee

  • Graphic Caity Hall

Here’s the thing about doorbells: They exist to grab your attention.

They’re loud, high-pitched, difficult to ignore and, unless you’re expecting a package, they suck to wake up to.

When you live with five roommates you quickly learn that whenever the doorbell rings, chances are it’s not for you. Sometimes this causes confusion when there’s an unexpected guest (“Do you have someone coming over?” “No, do you?”) and we take a minute to answer. For most people this isn’t a problem; they’ll wait a minute or so before ringing again and giving up. But the guy who came to our door

Wednesday morning apparently doesn’t have a patient bone in his body, and rang that poor little button like his life depended on it. And when his early morning bell solo failed to rouse sleepy students from their beds quickly enough for him, he proceeded to bang on the door like there was a murderer on his heels.

I understand sometimes wanting to be seen right now, but ringing the bell until your fingers are bloody stumps isn’t going to make anyone answer any faster—it’s just going to annoy them. Especially whatever roommates are innocently standing by. Buttons are fun to press and all, but this is ridiculous. You are not five years old, doorbell guy. You are a grown man.

I vote we replace the doorbell with cell phones. If everyone just tacked a list of tenants and their numbers up on their door, visitors could just call whoever they’re looking for directly instead of everyone waking up, each wondering for whom the bell tolls.

By commenting on this page you agree to the terms of our Comments Policy.