Nah’msayin?

Shit Editors Say

OpinionsJulia Wolfe — Published February 7, 2012

Very often, the Internet is hilarious. It’s just that when it’s not—which happens just as frequently—it can be so fucking in-your-face stupid that you want to take a machine gun to the iCloud gods and cut off all communication between you and the meme-crazed idiots of the world.

We’re not even comfortably into February 2012 and I’m about one oddly specific “Shit ___ Says” video from hitting that threshold. Every day I’m confronted with “Shit Hockey Moms Say.” “Shit Radio Interns Say.” “Shit Australian Members of Parliament Say to Dolphin Trainers.”

When I find myself unfriending about half my Facebook cluster-fuck because I just can’t take another “Shit Danish Soccer Players Might Say If Presented With a Matter-Reconfiguration Machine.”

It’s time to lock and load.

I mean no offense to the good sci-fi and soccer crazed Scandinavians in the world—of which I’m sure there are many. It’s just that after a certain point, the joke is dead. And attempting to reanimate with a couple new adjectives benefits no one.

So for the sake of my sanity and our standards as a species, let us end this charade. Let’s all say whatever crazy shit comes to mind and not ascribe any greater comical meaning to it. The future of the Internet depends on it.