Nah’msayin?

Too Far

Opinions — Published March 29, 2011

I do my nails at least once a week. I soak, file, buff, smooth and sometimes even paint them– colours with classy names like “merlot,” “terracotta” and “haute chocolate.” But if you can pull off “red carpet” or “strawberry kiss,” more power to you. I know I can’t.

What annoys me is that some people take things way too far. When fully capable, grown-up women wear multi-coloured glittery flower/heart/butterfly/zebra polish strips, stickers, glued-on beads and jewelry charms on their fingernails (toenails are a whole other level of superficiality)—I’d say that’s too far.

Your manicure is not supposed to be a challenge to see how much you can fit between your cuticles and fingertips. It’s stupid; it wastes both time and money. Worst of all, it makes you look like an eight-year-old gone wild on their mom’s polish stash while on a sugar high.

And don’t let your eight-year-old follow your example either. It’s just scary and flat-out inappropriate to subject children to this silly shallow custom.

This whole culture of “nail art” comes from a mentality which dictates that the less you work, the more important/noble/rich you are. Just like high heels, wigs and corsets, long and dangly nails make manual work virtually impossible, immediately granting the people who wear it (faux) status in society—the longer your nails, the fatter your bank account.

But how do you expect to be taken seriously if you can barely handle paper, type or open a beer can? Seriously, ladies, I can take the scandalous colours, but please take it easy on the nail bling.

—Julia Jones
Online Editor

This article originally appeared in Volume 31, Issue 28, published March 29, 2011.