The Leonard Nimoy Centre

  • Graphic Vivien Leung

So there’s a big kerfuffle going on about the new proposal for a student union building. Sure, it’d be nice to have more couches to nap on and a sustainable meth lab (that’s what goes in a student centre, right?), but being the cheap, broke-ass student type, I don’t wanna pay for it.

As a proud Canadian, I demand services that I do not pay for. It’s un-American, and I friggin’ love it.

I think I have a solution that will make everybody happy. You’re not ready to hear this, but check it. The Leonard Nimoy Concordia Student Centre. Eh? Eh? You love it. We get Spock to fund it, which does two things. Number one, it means we don’t have to pay for shit. Free scratching posts for all! And number two, it pisses off those Captain Kirk lovers over at McGill with their fancy Shatner building.

We get the logical problem solving, cameo-in-the-new-Star Trek-movies-getting Nimoy, while the Redmen keep an aging, green-women-humping, kinda creepy guy who is more well known these days for butchering Cee-Lo songs than anything else.

The force will totally be with us. Or something. Plus, all the rest of the cast hates Shatner, so when we start adding to the building down the line, we can totally round it out. The Uhura Student Massage Parlour? I feel relaxed already.
Check back next week, when I solve world hunger using Mark Hamill.

—Adam Kovac,
Features Editor

This article originally appeared in The Link Volume 31, Issue 14, published November 16, 2010.

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