Anti-Climactic Solo

I’m a 21-year-old female who loves to watch porn. I usually get really turned on and really wet, but my orgasms aren’t very strong. They happen so fast and are nothing compared to the build up and how turned on I was. When I masturbate to only my fantasies or memories, without the porn, my orgasms are much stronger. Why are my orgasms less intense when I’m more turned on and wet?
—Slippery When Wet

When you’re watching porn, the mental and visual stimulation can be much stronger than when you’re on your own.

You no longer need to put the work in to imagine something that turns you on, and you can visually explore all kinds of fantasies that you may not have thought up on your own.

The porn you’re watching is likely something that really gets you going without having to put much effort in on your end, so the problem may just be that you’re over-stimulated.

While you might have a stronger build up, the intensity could be too much for you, making your orgasm come much quicker than usual.

This can be great if you’re in a get-it-done kind of mood, but if you want to take your time then maybe you should save the porn for another time. Remember this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

In my opinion, you probably don’t want to be too dependent on porn to give you your best orgasms anyway.

When it comes to how wet you are, we usually assume that wetter is better. While wetness can be really hot and feel amazing it can also be frustrating since it can make sensations less intense.

When there’s too much lubrication there’s usually less friction and that friction can be key to clitoral and vaginal orgasms for many people. So the mix of being over-stimulated and soaking wet may not be working out for you.

If you really love watching porn for the added material, but you have better, longer orgasms without it then try watching it for inspiration to think about later when you masturbate without it.

The extra step of fantasizing about things you’ve seen without having them right in front of you could help curb the over-stimulation. You can also keep masturbating with the porn but accept that your orgasms may just not be your best. To help with extreme wetness try keeping tissues on hand to dry yourself off so that you’ll have more friction.

Luckily, if you ever have this wetness problem with a partner, condoms and dental dams are a great way to add friction.

For penetrative sex you should always stick to lubricated condoms since you don’t want so much friction that they tear, but there’s still more friction with a lubricated condom than without a condom at all.

It’s also important to note that while many people enjoy and need more friction to reach their orgasms, when you’re with a partner that friction makes you more prone to small cuts, tears, and irritations that become an entry point for STIs.

Porn can be an amazing tool that allows you to explore your most private desires. It can be a great sexual outlet whether it’s in preparation to live out these desires or just to experience them at a distance since many people have fantasies that they would never want to personally experience.
If you enjoy porn then I think it’s worth considering that while you don’t have mind-blowing orgasms you’re still exploring and learning more about your sexuality, which will lead to better orgasms in the future.

Submit questions anonymously at sex-pancakes.tumblr.com and check out “Sex & Pancakes” on Facebook. Need some extra help? Contact Concordia Counselling & Development at 514-848-2424 ext. 3545 for SGW and ext. 3555 for Loyola. Got a quick health question? Call info-santé at 8-1-1 from any Montreal number.

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