The lost art of making friends as an adult
The real tea on why making friends in university isn’t as easy as people say
I wish I could say that making friends at university is simple.
I’d love to give you a step-by-step handbook—something as easy as the instructions on a Kraft Dinner box. The truth of the matter is that making friends can be really fucking hard.
I have never been a shy girl. When I first moved to Montreal five years ago to begin my academic journey at Concordia, I was filled with confidence. I was under the impression that friends would come organically. Sadly, in a world where people wear soundproof headphones everywhere from libraries, to campus hallways to the metro, making friends naturally can feel impossible.
Sure, I’d meet girls in the club bathroom, and we’d give each other superficial compliments and exchange Instagrams. But when the hangover hits in the a.m., I would question every word I’d said that night. Using alcohol in an attempt to make friends has been a recurring method of mine throughout university, and to be fair, it’s been effective.
In the moment, the liquor drowns the awkward silence and the overthinking, allowing me to put forth the effortless cool-girl energy I strive for. However, when the tequila wears off, I’m often left wondering why I spent money on booze to have the same meaningless conversation with 20 different people who won’t remember my name.
Truth be told, as unfulfilling as these interactions can be they are much better than people being rude. People in university can be cliquey. Sometimes, people approach you with bad intentions, being nice so that you sleep with them, which fucking sucks. One minute, we’re vibing and having meaningful and interesting conversations. Next, I’m getting a “You up?” text at 3 a.m.
People always say your university years are supposed to be your best and that you will find friends for life. While all that might be true for some, it does not make finding those friends easier. Maybe you’ll find them through Bumble BFF, or you’ll join a club or sports team, or knock on your neighbour's door with a bottle of wine. However, when you find your people, treasure them because they are one in a dozen.
The most important friendship I have made in university has been with myself. I have learned that it’s OK to sit alone at the library. It’s OK to be by yourself on the dance floor. It’s OK to be alone. Needing to be a friend to have a friend is a myth. Sometimes the fact that you don’t fit in just anywhere is what makes you special.
This article originally appeared in Volume 45, Issue 1, published September 3, 2024.
_600_375_90_s_c1.jpg)