The Great Blumpkin

OpinionsMelissa Fuller — Published January 24, 2012

Q: My boyfriend wants me to give him a blumpkin. Why—and is that clean?

— Cautious & Potentially Nauseous

So for those of you who are wondering, a blumpkin is when a man receives oral sex while sitting on a toilet and defecating (aka shitting).

Yeah, don’t feel bad for not knowing that one—apart from a toss-off a reference in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, it hasn’t gained much cultural currency, for obvious reasons.

Now, I think it’s worth noting that the only other references I could find to the blumpkin were on websites whose entire purpose was listing obscure sexual acts, and The Howard Stern Show, which was later fined $27,500 for describing it on air (fun blumpkin fact!).

I think it’s safe to assume that the blumpkin might just be the result of teenage boys trying to out-gross each other by inventing sex acts that they don’t actually intend to do. That being said, my theory when it comes to sex is if you can conceive of it, at least some people are doing it.

So let’s talk about the blumpkin. Why does your boyfriend want you to give him one? To answer that, you’d have to ask him, and while that might sound like an awkward talk, if you’re at the point in your relationship where he’s comfortable enough to ask you for a blumpkin, hopefully you’re comfortable enough to ask him why.

Maybe he has a fetish; maybe he’s just curious. Whatever his reasons, you might want to make sure it’s not just because he thinks it’d be funny.

By the tone of your question, I take it that you weren’t immediately so grossed out as to not even consider the idea. It’s worth reflecting on your initial reaction—experimentation is great, and there’s always the chance that you’ll find something new that you’re really into when you’re pushing the envelope a bit in bed.

At the same time, while it’s great to broaden your horizons, it’s also crucial to be aware of your own personal boundaries so that you can decide which ones are and aren’t negotiable. You should also only be with a partner who respects your limits once your mind is made up. Maybe you chose to write in because this act is a bit past your limits.

So are blumpkins safe? To varying degrees. Any time fecal matter is involved, sanitation is an issue, since you’re exposing yourself to fecal bacteria, but there are ways to make things safer.

If performing this act on a toilet, clean the toilet thoroughly beforehand. With this act, you have the risk of STIs, but you also have the added risk of contact with the bacteria found in feces, so avoiding actual contact with your partner’s feces is your best bet.

What my advice really comes down to, though, is asking yourself if you want to do this. If so, why? If pleasing your partner is the only reason, and this is some kind of deal-breaker for him, then it might be time to think about your sexual compatibility as a couple.

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