Sex & Pancakes

Dear Melissa,

I can’t get off when I get head because it, well… it tickles. I’ve only been with one girl and when I told her to stop, she took it as a sign that I didn’t ever want it all (so I never get it anymore), but we never got around to resolving the problem. Is it all about technique? I want to get off, but the sensation isn’t so much sexy as ticklish…

Dear Tickles,

I’m really ticklish everywhere, so I totally sympathize. The way I see it, there are two problems here: the tickling, and the lack of communication with your ladyfriend.

I’m going to assume that you aren’t too ticklish to have sex, get a hand job, or masturbate, since you didn’t mention it. This tells me that it might be a technique thing.

So, here are some things you can try: you’re more likely to get tickled from soft touches, so the more pressure in a touch, the less tickle-inducing it usually is.

When you’re getting head there might not be enough pressure from your partner’s mouth, so I would suggest asking her to tighten her lips more, or use her hand with her mouth to help add pressure. The head of your penis is also the most sensitive part because of the nerve endings, so it isn’t surprising if that’s where you’re feeling ticklish.

Communication is really important in all this because you can have your partner try different things, and work together to figure out what works for you.

It’s also important to note that when you told her to stop, it might have hurt her feelings. Sexual acts put us in a vulnerable place, which could be another reason why you don’t get it anymore.

I think it’s really important for you to explain to her what happened, if you didn’t already, because at least she won’t feel like it’s her fault and she might be willing to help you figure out what works.

Part of the responsibility does fall on you as well, because she can’t guess what will work for you. No two people are the same. Things that might get one person off might be really horrible for someone else, so it’s really important to take the time to learn from each other.

This can be really fun and exciting because you get to explore your bodies, not only for your partner’s benefit of learning how to please you, but for you to understand your own body. Something that might help is showing her how you masturbate, so she can get a better idea of how you like to be touched and try to mimic it.

Finally, maybe you really are just too sensitive for oral sex. Everyone is different and the places people are ticklish vary. If it isn’t enjoyable for you, then there’s no harm in sticking to the acts that are.

—Melissa Fuller

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