Seasonal Affective Disorder Is Real

These Grey Winter Days Just Make Me Want to Hibernate

Graphic Myriam Ouazzani, Photo Kaitlin Gong

It’s that time of year again: it is officially winter. The weather is colder. I find myself waking up later. There’s something about the cold that makes me want to sleep longer. Don’t get me started on getting out of bed—I just want to stay cozily wrapped in my blanket. I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my day like this, but I have things to do and time won’t wait.

I reluctantly get out of bed. It doesn’t take long before I realize that it’s gloomy outside. I immediately lose interest in the day and want to go back to bed. I miss the sun. The cold and the cloudy sky make me feel depressed. If anything, the day feels longer even though its hours are now shorter. I just want it to end and wake up to sunny skies again.

I wish I could take a personal day. I just want to wear a thick sweater, make myself a warm cup of tea, bury myself in blankets and do absolutely nothing.

Seasonal affective disorder is real. Despite lacking a diagnosis, I almost always feel under the weather in the colder seasons. It’s hard to focus on anything but my current misery. I don’t even want to think about the months to come. There’s something about below zero weather that makes everything feel more somber. Maybe that’s just me, but I get sad.

Perhaps it’s because of daylight saving time, but these months feel like years. I wish I could cast a smile, but my face feels stiff. It’s so cold that I don’t want to move. Instead, I’m left with my thoughts. I’m tired. I lose myself to the darkness. I just want to crawl under my blankets and sleep. I want to wake up to warm blue skies. They give me hope, unlike a grey winter day. Time feels slower. I feel cold and empty, and it feels never-ending. It is painful. I sink into a depression every fall almost effortlessly.

Some days are better than others. I like to stay indoors in my pyjamas and read a book. I also like writing in a journal and going through photo albums to revisit warm memories. It helps to shift the focus of my mind. I also think this is the best time of the year to take naps. So I don’t hesitate to get some rest. I like to be able to let go and just be. I try to take it one moment at a time. I often find myself going to bed, waking up feeling the same; and trying to go about my day. I do this every day until time eventually passes and I realize that I’m alright again.