One Man Stands Between Democracy and Chaos, Can’t Stop Fighting Windmills

  • Photo Brandown Jonestown

It was the best of beards, it was the worst of beards.

CSU presidential candidate Chuck Quixote has not been elected, but we just don’t have the heart to tell him.

Campaigning with the goal of bringing together the left and right, his downfall seems to have been his obsession with windmills.

The candidate would often end interviews with The Link abruptly, claiming there was a great beast outside that he needed to vanquish.

Many students told The Link that if he had just stuck to the issues he would have had a real shot at winning.

“He had this idea that we needed to return to an age of civil politics,” said one student. “It sounded like a good plan, but the lance and horse were a bit much.”

He could be seen riding around campus after dusk, shouting at passers-by that this is just one of the many ways he will make a name for Concordia.

Choosing to take this fight alone, the mounting pressure only seemed to increase his chivalrous demeanor. He changed his original slogan “Quixote Does Things” to “Honour. Glory. Concordia.” during the last regular day of campaigning.

Another student said she just couldn’t trust a bearded president.

“I respect his ambition, but what’s he hiding in there?” asked the student, who admitted to having an irrational fear of Trojan horses.

NOTE: This is spoof content. All characters and events in this article—even those based on real people—are entirely fictional.

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