Panda-ing to the Masses

Expensive Empty Gestures on Harper’s Eastern Tour

OpinionsHilary Sinclair — Published February 28, 2012

The People’s Republic knows the best way to exploit cuteness and get paid for it.

Since 700 A.D., China has been using the bears as tokens of political goodwill. The process has evolved since then; no longer are they panda “gifts”—they are panda “loans.” In 2013 Canada will be the lucky recipient of two fuzzy loans.

But one has to wonder what’s the value of such an exchange, with a cost much higher than a handshake or arm-over-shoulder photo op.

In 1973 Pierre Trudeau tried to bribe China with beavers to get pandas. Our current Prime Minister’s recent trip to China was seen to be a rollicking success because he could do what

Trudeau did not. It’s not that he negotiated any sort of free trade deals or took a hard stance on human right abuses—but he got the pandas!

It seems wonderful on the outside. China will buy our oil and we get to see Harper actually smile while watching his wife hold a panda baby.

But in reality it is the worst “gift” ever.

Over the 10 years of the “loan” our nation will be on the hook for $10 million USD to feed and care for the bears, each of whom will grow to consume 20 to 30 lbs of bamboo a day.

The sum basically goes back to China for bamboo and other panda amenities. It doesn’t include the cost to the actual zoos, which have to build enclosures and train keepers.

The Toronto Zoo projects a cost of $20 million for their five years with Er Shun and Ji Li. But with rusting transit and a mayor hell-bent on crushing any small ounce of joy that the city has left, there probably won’t be any extra funds funneled to the city-owned institution. So that leaves private donors to pay for goodwill.

The Calgary Zoo will also be dependant on the wives of oil barons and wealthy animal lovers for their stint with the bears. But money isn’t the only question in Calgary, there’s also a question of competence.

The zoo has been plagued with an incredible number of premature animal deaths since 2008 that include, but are not limited to, 40 cownose rays, two baby elephants, a capybera and a baby Siberian tiger.

So not only are the pandas an expensive gift from the get-go, but we really aren’t prepared to receive it, either.

It’s a brilliant scheme really. The citizens are happy because everyone loves cute things. Harper is happy because he looks slightly less evil with a cute bear by his side, and we can flaunt our panda pride in triumph over other nations.

But I can’t justify blowing all my money on that Irish wolfhound I’ve had my eye on anymore than Canada can blow $10 million on endangered bears.

Let the two leaders celebrate over pints, not pandas, so they can play the diplomacy game without expensive, empty gestures.