We Must Top the Cronut Burger

Graphic Flora Hammond.

There’s been a whole lot of talk about this cronut burger.

So much so, that Montreal is dangerously close to losing its title as Canada’s capital of gastro-absurdity.

We need to step up our game. Losing our coronary crown to joggers and Bay St. is unacceptable; after all, we’re the ones staggering around at 4:00 a.m. with a big bottle of Molson Dry in one hand and a juicy La Banquise concoction in the other.

The ante has been upped by the media attention this burger has received. Our response needs to send people into ecstatic trances, build a cult following and earn a hashtag that raises blood pressure.

There’s no doubt we can top Toronto—especially considering we’re the home of Joe Beef and Epic Meal Time. The only trace of bacon on the so-called “Epic Burger” invention was in the maple bacon jelly.

Our response must glisten with the grease of 1,000 pigs, strips of bacon layered between each flaky level of deep-fried croissant.

There should be foie gras involved in some capacity. La Belle Province must join forces with the most artisanal pastry shop we can find.

To top the cronut burger we need a true culinary coup de fat, with poutine sitting obediently atop, humbled as its garnish.