Rotating Machetes

Graphic Joshua Barkman

Usually when a clogged artery happens—let’s say, in your heart—you get it fixed. Very smart doctors attempt to unclog it and widen arteries so blood can get to where it needs to go so you can, well, not die.

You don’t need to be smart to know the exact same scenario is happening in the pedestrian walkway underground in the EV Building, next to Le Gym, where that death trap of a rotating door meets the metro.

Hoards of people attempt to maneuver through the two always-busy-as-shit glass turnstiles everyday, and everyone slows up and awkwardly positions themselves to dive into the spinning disaster that’s going as fast as a teacup ride.

Believe it or not, there’s an awesome solution to this—take the fucking turnstiles out. And do it before someone falls and gets decapitated between the moving doors and standing frame.

The doors were removed last semester, so why that’s not the case right now is hard to understand. It also doesn’t help that idiots stand on the metro side, completely oblivious to the world around them while eating shitty two-dollar pizza and blocking people into an area tighter than my arteries feel when I’m trying to navigate the crush of sweaty, winter-coat wearing bodies.

Let’s get doctor-smart about this, or the stress from walking to my class might lead me to decapitate some people even before the inevitable happens.

–David Murphy,
Lifestyle Editor