Suck it Up, Sriracha Haters

Graphic Caity Hall

Thought you had enough reasons to hate Californians? Well, hold onto your hot sauce.

Our beloved Sriracha is being threatened by a bunch of whiners who say living near the company’s chili fields makes the air uncomfortable to breathe. Have you ever tried breathing in -30 degrees Celsius weather, California? I bet you’d take a little spice over it any day.

You may find this hard to understand, California, but this is about more than you.

So the air might be a little spicy for three months of the year. Have you been to Montreal? We get eyeball-freezing ice-rain spat on us for half our lives. Right now we’re enshrouded in darkness by 4 p.m. You can’t enjoy the sun sometimes? Tough shit, Los Angeles. At least you get more than 10 hours of daylight.

Here in the Great White North, that little rooster bottle is the only heat we can count on.

If you can’t take the spice, get out of California.

Seriously, let’s trade.

I don’t care if you’re bleeding out your eyes or how many kid’s birthday parties you need to cancel. You don’t mess with a man’s hot sauce.