I don’t know what I am doing with my life and that’s okay

Embracing not knowing what to do with my life has never felt better

I don’t have a 5 year plan, and it feels liberating. Photo Emanuele Barbier

When I was growing up, I went through a million professions in my head, from ballerina to pop star to teacher. Turns out I could be so many things that I didn't know what to be. I realize now that's okay.

I discovered I had no clue what I wanted to do in 10th grade. The school board was holding a meeting open to all the students and asked us the ultimate question: “Where do you see yourself in five years?” At the time, five years seemed far, like it would never come. I have always been scared of the corporate 9 to 5 job, of hating my life and just going with it so I could pay my bills. 

I’ve always known what I didn't want to do, but the problem was, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what I wanted.The fact that everyone in high school seemed to know what they were going to study later on didn’t help much. When my teachers would ask me what I wanted to do in university, the uncertainty at the center of my answer would always keep me up at night. I would stay up and ponder on the future. Where will I work in five years? Will I make enough to live comfortably? Will I love my job? At one point I hit an ultimate low, sending my mind in an endless spiral of thoughts, unable to find a solution to my problems. 

I'm 19 now, and not knowing what to do is perfectly fine. It’s okay at any age. Should uncertainty discourage me? Of course not! I go with the flow and I live life one day at a time. It’s okay to be lost. Finding a new hobby. Changing your major multiple times, or just making the best out of your circumstances. It is always a push in the right direction. 

Something I catch myself doing is comparing myself to others. “This person likes their life more than mine, that person is having more luck in life than me,” and so on. But why should it matter? Life has a path for every person. I have learned  to focus on myself, while wishing the best for others. 

Society has enforced us with the belief that having our lives planned out from a young age is the key to success. Having these daunting expectations of ourselves weighs us down. In today’s constantly changing world, I shouldn’t be subjected to a particular job.

I told myself that until I find what I enjoy doing, with a smile on my face, I won't be satisfied. Reaching that point isn't easy, but until I achieve it, I won't be content.