Don’t @ Me: Black Coffee Rules

It’s Not Just Boring Old Bean Water, Trust Me

Graphic Elisa Barbier

Oh coffee, how I love you so.

Saying I like coffee as a student journalist with a part-time job is about as controversial as saying that I breathe every few seconds. Lots of people like coffee, and why wouldn’t they? A couple of sips of coffee can put a nice pep in your step. You can also customize your coffee basically any way you want, which is also super appealing. Like, lots of brown sugar, but no milk? Rad! Want a good ol’ fashioned double-double? Go for it! Lattes, mochas, espressos, decaf? Stop asking permission, hypothetical coffee drinker, I’m not in charge of your life!

What I am in charge of, though, is what I like in my coffee: nothing.

You’re probably wondering, Olivier, why are you settling for boring old hot bean water? Don’t you like flavour? It might be boring to you, loyal reader, but to me, it’s simple and perfect the way it is. It’s not plain, it’s not boring, it is its own thing, and it rules.

A great coffee is kind of an experience, which makes me sound like I’m trying to sell you on a coffee deal, but hear me out (read me out?). In my experience, coffee, especially a mediocre one, is often more of a means to an end to get some much-needed energy. But instead of trying to put it into your body as soon as possible to get that sweet, sweet caffeine running into the bloodstream, a great coffee makes you actually want to taste it. This has caused many a burned tongue, in my experience, but tasting a great coffee with what’s left of my tastebuds? It’s super worth the occasional charred mouth, trust me.

There’s just something about the smooth bitterness that makes it great (awesome pop punk lyric, by the way). There is nothing like the taste of a great coffee to make you feel alive, whether it’s way too early in the morning, way too late at night, or somewhere in between.
This is the hill I’m willing to die on. In fact, if you see me putting any sort of milk or sugar in it, it’s because the coffee tastes like warm dish soap that got burned, somehow.

I won’t ask you to ditch your current habits to get onto the black coffee bandwagon. But if your only experience with black coffee is lukewarm Tim Hortons that someone forgot to put your milk and sugar in, you haven’t actually tried it. Give it a chance, a real one. And if by any chance you have a sip and hate it? It’s the world’s easiest fix, just add whatever it is you add in your coffee usually!

Now if you excuse me, this coffee isn’t going to drink itself.