This is my brain on drugs
The slippery slope from recreation to addiction
There is an undeniable appeal to mind-altering drugs.
Whether it comes from first-hand experience or mere curiosity, we’ve all thought about it at least once. That said, the part of you that debates whether to cave into the appeal or not does not often think about what will come of it. We think first of our momentary sense of euphoria, and definitely not of the shadow that may follow us after the experience.
I am a sophomore and I haven’t touched anything other than weed since I graduated high school, almost four years ago. I tried a lot of different substances while in high school, and I regret it. I experimented too much, too young.
It is foolish to think that our experiments, especially when repetitive, won’t have a future effect on us. I thought I would be fine, that I could put it behind me like any other high school experience without lingering effects. The truth is, I can barely remember any of it, and now, I have to deal with memory issues.
Some recreational drugs are better experienced around other people. Molly is particularly nice when you’re surrounded by friends and people you love—you feel very giddy and open. It puts rose-coloured glasses over your relationships, and they take on a whole other meaning. My friends and I gave each other elaborate declarations of love or compliments we were too shy to give when sober.
However, the opposite is true when surrounded by people you dislike. I once spent my entire high declaring my love for friends over text while ignoring the person I was with, simply because I didn’t feel like giving my abundance of love to him. I didn’t feel like he deserved it at that moment because he’s not a generally kind person.
By doing it next to someone with ill intent, I was coerced into saying or doing things that I wouldn’t have while sober. The decision to be there was mine, but we must keep in mind that in the same way taking drugs can give us newfound courage, it can also lead us to questionable situations. The line between the two is finer than you would think.
I have only done coke twice, but I think that it's wildly overrated. Both cost-wise and feeling-wise, there are much better things to do. I didn’t feel high per se, more like heightened, as if the world suddenly came into focus. I felt the feeling of being truly alive. It's the drug where I've felt the least comfortable. My friends put my discomfort at ease, but I would’ve hated it had I not been with them. The crash from coke is equally putrid—I felt like a discarded version of myself. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as physically and emotionally exhausted.
Shrooms can be fun on your own, with the right stimuli. At times, they’ve even made me productive. I’ve painted a wall in my room with different coloured smiley faces that, during my high, looked like they were melting. The visuals made the trip amusing. Often, I would simply draw or watch comfort movies. I felt more at ease doing it by myself than I did with Molly.
Despite that, it's crucial to ensure that you’re not using a feeling of intoxication as a way to avoid addressing other aspects of your life. That is how my friends and I got addicted, and there’s no coming back from that. Addictions affect you long after you stop using and they often stay with you for the rest of your life.
Due to my abuse of substances when I was younger, a part of me is scared that I will use again. As of now, I haven’t felt a desire for it, as if my body had reached its limit. Unfortunately, my friends haven’t stopped and I had to cut them off as I didn’t want to lose myself again.
My experience might not be the same as everyone else's, but I think it’s important to remind ourselves that our recreation shouldn’t become our doom. It is extremely easy to get addicted to the various feelings drugs give, but it is very hard to admit so when you are. We slowly find ourselves with a deep-rooted need to feel or to remove all emotions that aren’t euphoric. Other aspects of life take on a meaningless sheen; you find yourself unable to connect outside of a high. I feel like I lost my spark.
Your consumption should stay as a fun, safe and temporary experience and nothing more. Know when to stop.
This article originally appeared in Volume 45, Issue 4, published October 22, 2024.
