Take the bull by the horns
Mastering the art of making friends
Maturing makes you realize how grade school has it all planned out for us.
We might’ve been lab partners with a classmate who lived in the same neighbourhood, or we might’ve discovered that we have much more in common with our locker neighbour than we initially thought.
Regardless of the outcome, these organic meetings all often lead to long-lasting friendships. After 12 years of school, these scenarios become almost natural for us and we are left disappointed when reality hits. Caught up in the dream of adulthood, no one prepares you for the harsh reality of growing up.
Not only growing up—but growing up after the pandemic has increased loneliness in 20-somethings and exacerbated their struggles in making new friendships. Loneliness and depression even peak between 19 and 28 years old, according to one study.
Has making friends gotten harder, or have we simply lost our magic power to rip the bandaid off and put ourselves out there? Regardless of the context of these friendship-building scenarios, we need to take the bull by the horns and make these situations happen ourselves. Making new friends doesn’t have to be this scary, nerve-wracking thing that we avoid by creating intimidating scenarios in our minds. We can become our own enemy sometimes and drown in overdramatized consequences. There is one sentence that always plays in the back of my head: “The worst that can happen is that they say no.”
These words have allowed me to be free from the overthinking doom. Two years ago, on my way to campus, I saw a girl on the bus who seemed a little lost. We got off at the same stop, so there were two different choices I could make. Option one, I could ask her if she needed help and maybe walk to campus together. Option two, I could simply ignore it and move on with my life. I thought to myself,
“The worst that can happen is that they say no.”
That was the worst-case scenario: that she would simply refuse help and we would both go on with our days. Needless to say, she ended up becoming one of my best friends and eventually my roommate. I wouldn’t have gained this friendship if I hadn't played my part in it. Seeing things from a bigger perspective eases the anxiety, and truly reduces our fears to their simplest forms.
We can’t choose the outcome, but we can choose to be at peace with either result which can sometimes lead us to great adventures.
This article originally appeared in Volume 45, Issue 1, published September 3, 2024.
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