Sex & Pancakes
Wait, You Mean Girls Do It Too ?
My boyfriend recently found out that I masturbate on occasion and, though I know he masturbates as well, he was surprised and found it weird that I do it because I’m a girl. Now I feel insecure about it and am confused about the double standard…
Despite it being one of the least shocking things I can think of, a woman masturbating is still pretty taboo. Although, I’m not even sure if I’d necessarily call it taboo because the real issue seems to be that a lot of people think that girls just don’t do it.
It’s almost as if the general consensus is that women can only be sexual if there’s someone there for them to be sexual for. The worst part is that we, as women, reinforce this idea by being ashamed of what we want and what we do when we’re alone. If we only think of ourselves as sexual in the presence of a partner, then that really calls into question whether we’re really doing it for ourselves or someone else.
Now, I identify as female, I masturbate, and I do it because I enjoy it. I really believe that touching yourself is knowing yourself. Cheesy, I know, but sadly too many people don’t know their own bodies well enough. Even worse, some people are scared to want to because of cultural and societal norms. Just to be clear: I’m not saying that every woman masturbates or even wants to. And (here’s a shocker) the same goes for men, because, believe it or not, not all men are interested in masturbation, either. Whichever side you find yourself on, no one should feel singled out or weird for doing it or not doing it.
This all begs the question, though: why are so many people surprised to find out that women masturbate? Maybe it’s because we don’t talk about it (well, except when we print newspaper articles about it… ahem). The point is, you have no reason to be ashamed or insecure about it, because you were just being yourself and frankly if it’s too “weird” for your boyfriend, well that’s really his problem.
But let’s also look at the situation from a “your boyfriend’s not a dick” perspective. It is possible that no other girl has ever told your boyfriend that she masturbates and so the news was shocking to him because he just didn’t know. There is, however, a difference between initial shock of a “Hmm, really?” reaction and a “Holy shit, you’re messed up” one. You should talk to him about it and see where he really stands once he’s had time to reflect a bit.
- Melissa Fuller
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