He Was a Sk8er Boi, She Said, “See Ya Laer, Boi”

  • graphic joshua barkman

Every time a skateboard is used as a mode of transportation—instead of say, a prop in a 1992 throwback costume—a tiny part of me dies.

But whenever a skateboard is used on a bike path, a good ol’ fashioned shit-kicking is in order—or at least, a well-placed puddle to knock you off your tiny deck of entitlement.

That’s right, I’m talking to you, Skatey McGrinderson. Do you not understand anything?

You’re not Brittany Murphy’s stoner love interest in Clueless, and I promise you no one is looking at you swerving through hordes of angry bikers thinking, “Wowee! That’s one innovative dude/gal! This lane may be reserved to make bike commuting less dangerous and more effective in the city, but golly gee they’re sure giving the ol’ middle finger to conformity!”

Now, I’m not suggesting you take your silly wheelie-toy onto the sidewalk to endanger the well being of pedestrians, but what I am saying is—don’t be dumb. The word “bike” is in the name of the path, for Christ’s sake. There are even little pictures of bicycles painted on the path to help you remember its intended use.

So get off the path and go back to that sweet skatepark you and your buds chilled at in Grade 10 and try to gain some rad skills so you can be like Tony Hawk, or something.

See how dated that reference was? That’s because I literally could not think of any skateboarder who has risen to cultural relevancy since 2003.

Let’s keep it that way.

(This logic also applies to rollerbladers on bike paths, but my anger is more subdued when it comes to those folk because, well, watching people who take rollerblading seriously is hilarious.)

_— Katie McGroarty
Fringe Arts Editor_

By commenting on this page you agree to the terms of our Comments Policy.