Most Dangerous Object in the Office This Week:

The ‘Death Board’

Special Issue — Published March 29, 2011

DISCLAIMER: All of this content is false. None of it is real. It’s meant to amuse and have a good laugh on what was an overly serious year at this university. If you get mad or for one fleeting moment think that any of this is real, please put this newspaper down and walk away. Seriously. Thank you.

It’s long, loud and the perfect office distraction—as long as you’re the one riding it. What better way to cure writer’s block than to get up from your desk, plant your feet on that deck and take a quick trip down the hall? Or why not keep working out that ollie instead of drinking alone late at night at your desk? Having an office skateboard is like having an office chauffeur. Pick it up and riiiide out the stress from your long day on the job.

Student politicos taking themselves too seriously? Find Zen through a nosegrind kickflip before your write that lead. Is the administration feeding you business-as-usual statements in the middle of a governance crisis?

“Show, don’t tell” them to fakie backside shove-it. Next year we’re asking our BoD for a ramp. – laurybeth beeston

This article originally appeared in Volume 31, Issue 28, published March 29, 2011.