Jillian Page’s Uncut Interview

Read the Full Transcript

Laura Beeston — Published December 5, 2010

The Link: Can you tell me about your journalism career? How did you get into the business? What made you want to be a journalist? A writer? Who influenced you, as you were learning the craft and honing your skills?

I fell into journalism quite by accident, at the tender age of 19, as a copy clerk. I had no intention of staying in journalism—I wanted to be a criminal lawyer. But the paper asked me to put out their TV Times magazine, and they kept throwing money at me. And to make a long story short, I am still there, almost—yikes!—40 years later.

I have loved writing since Grade 1, when I wrote a short story about a disembodied hand (I had seen a sci-fi flick earlier in the week). Throughout the years, I found my fiction writing style most influenced by Hemingway, Dostoevsky, Bradbury and Leonard Cohen’s first novel, The Favourite Game. I liked Hemingway’s sparse use of description – I detested Steinbeck’s love for exaggerated description. Snore . . . I loved Dostoevky’s method of jumping right into the action from the opening line in such books as Anna Karenina. As for Leonard Cohen, well, I just loved his style.



However, I have done very little reporting for The Gazette; I have been a copy editor all these years.

Copy editors are the unsung heroes of the newspaper profession. They are the last line of defence. A newspaper lives or dies on the work of copy editors. It is up to us to make sure every article is balanced and fair. We represent the newspaper, the readers, and most important, the subjects of our articles. We must always be on the lookout for libel. Readers should remember that every article, every headline, every photo description in your morning read have been handled by overworked copy editors who get little recognition—besides a paycheque—for the work we do. We only get feedback when we let a mistake get by us. It comes with the newspaper turf.

Have you always been sensitive to the ways journalists and the media report on “gender” issues? How have you seen this change over the course of your career? Can you comment about the gender parity temperature out in the real world?

I really only became aware of how newspapers were dealing with transgender issues about 10 years ago, as I was finding my way through the wide world of transgenderism.

What I noticed immediately is that newspapers didn’t know much about the subject or the terminology. They didn’t know the difference between a drag queen and a crossdresser and a transsexual, for example. And they didn’t know how to deal with pronouns.

Newspapers have made some improvements in the last few years; there is more awareness. Unfortunately, they are not all up to speed. For example, some papers will use the defamatory term “tranny,” while others know better. And pronoun usage is still a problem for some newspapers in articles about transgender people. I see this mainly as the fault of copy editors, unfortunately, who don’t take the time to educate themselves on this subject.

The GLAAD media guide is an excellent resource for all journalists, and many papers as well as the Associated Press use it for their stylebooks.

As for my paper, The Gazette, I think it does a pretty good job with trans-related issues. I think I have made some contributions to that effort, but as a whole, The Gazette being the fine institution that has made it the oldest paper in North America, it would have dealt fairly with trans issues in due time. I am confident in that, knowing the people behind the scenes.

As for gender parity in the real world: It is important to remember that the public views me as a woman, just one of 3.5 billion females on the planet. I am treated as a woman wherever I go: men hold doors open for me, men flirt with me, store clerks call me “madame,” etc.

Would I receive the same reception in public if people viewed me as a transgender person instead of as a woman? I’m not sure, but I doubt it.

Transgender people walk a more difficult path that we who transition to the opposite official gender designation. We transitioners tend to ride off into the sunset and blend in, while transgender people tend to stand out. Transgender people often live dual lives—for example, as women on the weekend, as men during the workweek. I lived that dual existence for a long time, and there came a point where I couldn’t do it anymore. I felt like I was lying to everyone I knew, and to the world around me. I had to come out and be one person, or die. It really did get to that point: do or die. That is when I sought out professional help.

You’ve been around The Gazette for decades, and have probably seen many things transition in on the business side of things as well as your personal evolution. Is media more accepting in the 2000s, do you think? Did a more liberal newsroom/media culture have anything to do with the timing of your blog and the end of Bill?

I think these institutions have been pretty accepting of trans people for a long time, though I don’t think there have been many journalists in Canada who have transitioned. I know of one journalist who transitioned 20 years ago, and she was well accepted by her colleagues.

I don’t think these institutions have had much choice about accepting us, and, honestly, why wouldn’t they accept us? It doesn’t matter if we show up to work in potato sacks and clogs, as long as we get the job done. Indeed, once we are sitting at computer terminals, gender is irrelevant—we are not males or females or anything in-between: we are “bodies,” as many managers like to say. As in, “We’re down a body today because So-and-So called in sick.” Yes, workplaces are largely genderless institutions. And, coincidentally, as a Theosophist, I believe that the spirit is also basically genderless, but capable of expressing itself in multi-gender fashions.

You’ve written extensively about your transition in the context of The Gazette and you are arguably a trailblazer in the newspaper biz. I wasn’t able to confirm this, but I believe this blog was the first of its kind in Montreal and Quebec. How has your career also evolved over the last couple of years as a result of the blog & your journey? How did it originally emerge? Was it your idea or your editor who suggested it? How has this forum helped and/or challenge you over the last two years?

[My blog] came into being when the executive editor at the time, Andrew Phillips, asked me to write about my transition. I didn’t feel that the blog should be all about me and I saw it as a golden opportunity to raise some trans awareness.

Yes, I had some misgivings about it all, as I had about coming out to my colleagues before that. I spent much time in Mary Queen of the World Cathedral praying and promising The Power That Be that I would try very hard not to kill myself if it all went wrong when I did come out.

As for the blog, well, my greatest reservation was fear of being harmed by some transphobic person. Fortunately, all has gone well so far.

I felt if Christine could come out to the world and be accepted, there was nothing preventing me from doing the same. Again, my paper showed a lot of class in the way they handled the Daniels piece, and they showed me the same class when it was my turn, with only a few individual exceptions. And, you know, there are always going to be a few people who refuse to accept the transitioning individual. That’s life. 



Has my career evolved as a result of my blog and my transition? (Laughs) No. It was business as usual from the start. Most of us Gazette bloggers do not receive any form of remuneration for our blog work: we do it strictly out of love for writing. There is no fame or fortune associated with blogging, or with transitioning. Again, I am just “a body” doing a job.

I thought it was quite profound when you wrote in early posts about the “excruciating objectivity as a journalist” or the “ objective procrastination” and the “years of objectivity.” Objectivity is something we learn the first day of J-School 101. What are your thoughts about it, now that you’ve thought long, hard and ‘rationally’ about it? Your blog is also very personal, and I’m also wondering if there’s anything you’ve also discovered about room for subjectivity the “self” in the business of journalism as well?

I am fortunate I can be both objective and subjective with my blog. The goal was to give my personal subjective views of my transition, as well as do some objective writing about transgenderism—but both always from an “everyday people” point of view.

I know that I am not the most qualified person to be writing about transgenderism, and there is a lot of academic material to be found on the Web for those interested. I want people to know that we folks who transition have the same needs and desires as everyone else. The only difference is we have a medical condition, which in my case has been dealt with by some of the world’s finest professionals in the field.

As I said in the first post of my blog: I am nothing special, just one of many transitioning people trying to find their way. I guess my blog is something of a rarity for the newspaper business, and I am honoured that people read it and take the time to comment. They have also shown me a lot of support. God love them all.

I really love your post about “The Voice” and think it is interesting as both a literal and figurative point of discussion. Literally, your voice has changed from being more typically M to F, but figuratively—in your voice as a writer, a journalist, and a storyteller –how has your voice transitioned along the way? Has your writing style changed at all, while becoming more-into-your own as Jill? Do you have any advice for journalists who are trying to find their own voices? Does it get easier with time?

Yes, I can see how this could be a figurative point of discussion. I do feel that I write with a more feminine point of view. Is it the estrogen? Perhaps. However, there are some who have read my fiction who might say that I have always written with a feminine voice. Indeed, I think my inner voice has always been feminine in this lifetime, both in writing and in general thought process.

[In terms of] advice for other journalists finding their voices: Each reporter I know has their own distinctive style, their own voice. It comes with time and practice.

How has [the blog] helped or challenged me? Well, blogging is addictive. I love blogging, and I know my regular readers are looking in every day to see a new post. So, I try to do a new entry daily—and sometimes more. I don’t want to let my readers down.

You undoubtedly have made your transitioning experience, something many would believe is quite individual and unique–perhaps even private—available on a very public forum (bless new media). Before you began posting, did you ever have any reservations about going so viral, especially writing under such a large organization? Or has being so open about everything on such a large scale been easier/more liberating in the long run?

Again, I think I addressed your question about the personal and public nature of my blog and “going so viral” with it. To add one more comment on that: there is noble purpose here, and I couldn’t turn down the opportunity to serve a greater cause.

Your blog is great because it really engages its readership – you’re always posing questions and asking for comments. What have you learned from your readership? How has the experience of others shaped this forum?

Yes, the experiences shared by my readers are very important to this blog. Without their feedback, there would be no blog. I made that clear from the outset: this was also to be a forum for all trans people who wished to participate, and each person who participates is helping to raise trans awareness. I learn much from them, and I can’t tell you how much it warms my heart to see people participate.

[Though] LGBT events are not my beat, I have incredible leeway in my blog. So, I feel it is only natural to give attention to events and issues around the world. After all, as a great Theosophist G. de Purucker once wrote: “The great lost chord of modern civilization is forgetfulness of the fact in nature of universal brotherhood, which means not merely a sentimental or political brotherhood; it means that we are all of one common cosmic or spiritual origin, and that what affects one affects all . . .”

I was hoping you could comment about the strides society still needs towards LGBQ and trans tolerance? What do you think about trans health care access in Canada? What do you believe is the biggest misrepresentation out there today about the trans community?

Some of it is getting better all the time. Just about all of the Canadian provinces now pay for all or some gender reassignment surgery, most of which is being performed here in Montreal by the greatest GRS surgeon in the world, Dr. Pierre Brassard. He is a great man, and has done an amazing job with his hospital and convalescence centre.

I think that while the Internet has done a lot to further the cause of transgenderism, there are some negative things happening on the Net, too, which give bad, incorrect stereotypical images of trans people, such as “shemales.” Unfortunately, too many people think of “shemales” when they hear the word transgender. Or “chicks with dicks.”

Then there is the “tranny” terminology used by so many trans people in reference to themselves. They don’t understand that it is a defamatory and dehumanizing term, and is hurting all trans people.

Many non-trans people think it is a perfectly acceptable word because so many trans people use it.

How do you believe the media handles LGBT issues? Do you think the media is queer friendly? Or are there still things you think the mainstream media won’t touch?

The media and trans issues: I think mainstream newspapers in Canada are treating LGBT issues with more respect now than ever before. Are they “queer-friendly?” Well, first, I doubt any mainstream papers would use the term “queer” unless it is in a direct quote. But I do think they are LGBT friendly. I am proud of the coverage my paper gives, particularly to the Gay Pride parade in Montreal. This year, we ran a big feature on some trans people, along with a sidebar on trans terminology and such. Hurray for The Gazette!

I do think there is room for improvement in another city or two, though, particularly Calgary. I have seen some very bad headlines coming from that town, written by copy editors who obviously have little knowledge of trans terminology. But they are the exception. I do believe most big Canadian newspapers are trying hard to get it right, and will provide good LGBT coverage when events warrant it.

What won’t newspapers touch? (Laughs) I don’t think there’s anything in the LGBT realms that newspapers will shy away from, as long as it is newsworthy.

But, not completely unrelated, I don’t see much coverage of the fetish scene—and I know a lot of trans people dabble in those kind of activities. (Don’t ask me how I know.)


You’ve written in your blog that you now identify as simply one of the 3.5 billion other women out there in the world, which is an awesome standpoint nearing the end of a long journey. Part of the charm of this blog is undeniably how you discuss some of the more “typical” “female” things in life – like body/comfort/weight/shopping/bra straps/”female jobs” to name a few – with curiosity and style. While also having had a ‘male’ perspective or standpoint on the issues, how has both types of “gendered” insight influence how you view the world?

I’m not sure how much of a male perspective I ever had, because I was never much of a male. First and foremost, I have always been a very spiritual person. I have always viewed the world first through spiritual eyes. Some things don’t change much when we transition.

As the greatest rock band in the universe sang, the song remains the same. In my case, it is the spiritual song. I still see the world first through spiritual eyes. Read “The fool on the hill sees the sun going down…” 


However, I do have a more rounded view of the world now because I do have a better grasp on both the male and female experiences. Again, I apply this to my spirituality.

I had been warned before I transitioned that I would lose the “male privilege” I supposedly enjoyed. Not true. I haven’t lost any so-called “privilege.”

Then again, I am well-established in a field that treats people equally—as “bodies.” It might have been very different if I had transitioned at the age of 20 instead of at the age of 20-something-plus-a-few-decades (and that is all I will admit about my current age. Then again, the spirit is timeless, yes?)



Indeed, though, “I am seeing things I’ve never seen before,” to quote an old CBC-TV series called Seeing Things. Many of them are very superficial, such as the extent to which the fashion and cosmetic industries cater to women. It is both mind-boggling and delightful.

I’m Jillian in Wonderland (possible headline in that statement), but I can also relate better to the experience of being a woman, which I think in some ways is more difficult—or more work—than the experience of being a man. I don’t want to elaborate on this point, for fear of over-generalizing.

And I have learned about emotions. I must admit that I had a very middle path attitude before. I suppressed my emotions. Well, there is no suppressing emotions when you are taking high doses of estrogen. I am not afraid to cry any more. Indeed, I cry often, both out of empathy for others and for more personal reasons. It is good to cry sometimes.

What have you learned about stereotypes and binaries?

I am not sure if there are many stereotypes of women in Canada anymore, at least in big cities like Montreal. Women have been blurring gender lines for a long time, and anything goes for us. The days of women being kept barefoot and pregnant are long past—unless they want to be barefoot and pregnant.

In a wistful sort of way, sometimes I wish I could have been the traditional woman, keeping the home fires burning while my man was out hunting buffalo (figuratively speaking). I yearn for that.

Still, I also sometimes yearn to be a nun, of all things, serving a greater cause. The beautiful painting of Marguerite Bourgeoys in Mary Queen of the World brings tears to my eyes when I stand in front of it. I want to be in that picture. I can’t totally explain this, because I am not Catholic and would never enter a Catholic convent. Still, there is a calling.

My psychologist suggested that I might enter a spiritual order for women some day. Perhaps, but right now, I am in love with someone, and am enjoying being loved as a woman.

What is your favourite thing about being a woman? What is the most empowering thing about being a woman? You seem to exude confidence (not to mention sexual charisma) in your blog, and I was wondering if you could share some tips for the ladies who – for whatever reason/societal message getting them down – aren’t confident in their femme liberation and fabulousness. Is it something that comes with time? Is it something you had to learn?

God, there is so much. I think my favourite thing about being a woman is that I am recognized as a woman by my province and my country, and by the man who loves me. I AM a woman. I felt that I was a woman before I transitioned, but now it is official.



Then there is the feminization of my body, though, it was pretty feminine before. But now I have breasts—and hips! And a beautiful vagina. And finer skin. The physical realignment of my body is a miracle, and I feel truly blessed.

And, of course, there is the freedom to be myself in daily presentation.
The reality, though, is that I was a woman before—trapped in a not-so-male body. This is about liberation, and I am a liberated woman.

[In terms of the] most empowering thing: (Smiles—with tongue firmly planted in cheek) Yes, I do exude sexual charisma. I dress very feminine, always in a skirt or dress and heels, and polished fingernails. One of my female colleagues calls me a “girly girl.”

There is an 18-year-old prima donna princess Goddess lurking in me (laughs again). I feel empowered when men go out of their way to please me. And they do. They fall all over themselves to hold doors open for me, for example.
I have a lot of confidence because long before I “came out” to the world, I stepped out in an Internet setting where I could post photos of myself and get feedback from people. Well, I received a lot of good feedback from guys, and met several in real time over the years. They gave me confidence. They empowered me. They adored me, and treated me like a lady. By the time I came out, I knew I was a sexy Goddess (laughs again).

But even without my many male admirers, I think I would have been confident, because it is my right to present as I please to the world.
When I first started my blog, I wrote that I couldn’t be absolutely sure that I would fully transition. Any number of things might have prevented me from doing so. But I would have lived as a woman, anyway. I had made up my mind to come out – do or die.



[In terms of] my advice to others: Just do it, if you feel you must. Put on a smile, and go out and embrace the world. That smile is really important. If you exude confidence, people will sense it and accept you, no matter your shape or size.

I’d love for you to tell me more about your interpretation of the word “queer.” Is there a better term? Or are we too stuck on labels? Can you talk a bit more about this?

I have written about this before. I know that some people are reclaiming the word “queer,” but I don’t know if it applies so well to trans people who identify as women or men. The word has negative connotations. However, I know and accept that many young people embrace the term.

Personally, it is one I would not use, and I would never want to see it used in reference to me. I am a woman: that was the point of my transition.



What’s next for Jillian the trailblazer?

I still have a ways to go before I will say it is a fait accompli. I’ve been on hormones for a little more than two years, and they are working wonders in transforming my body and softening my skin. But I am told that the full effect takes five years.

What will I trailblaze next? I never expected to be trailblazing anything. But I am open to more, and I think if you open yourself to serving causes, they will come your way. And I do like unusual challenges.