Horoscopes for the year!
Peer into the future and see what Concordia has in store for you
It's been a complicated year and a half since we've been on campus and there's still a lot that's still up in the air. As the great Italian philosopher Gennaro Gattuso so timelessly put it: "Sometimes maybe good, sometimes maybe shit."
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Do yourself a favour and raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawr! XD
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Keep trying, buddy. Your optimism will get you somewhere. She’ll notice you eventually.
Pisces (Feb. 19-Mar. 20): I know you want to wear your crisp new white Air Force 1s on the first day back but try not to drown everyone in your drip. Drip drippity drip.
Aries (Mar. 21-April 19): As a seasoned Concordian, try your best to refrain from snapping at the new kids on the block who are just searching for Hall. Just take it step by step.
Taurus (April 20-May 20): This semester, fight the urge to take over everything in your group projects. Give your teammates some room to shine, and embrace the zen. If one teammate falls off, send a strongly worded email to your professor.
Gemini (May 21-June 20): Make sure to meditate to recover from carrying the group chat for days on end. Your personalities make for great entertainment, but save some time for yourself to unwind from being the main character 24/7.
Cancer (June 21-July 22): I know your heart feels many feelings, Cancer, but when your seatmate forgets your name after the first day, don’t make a scene. Calmly walk to the nearest campus café and get an iced coffee to wash away your pain.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): I don’t know how, but you need to make coming back to school all about you. Start an argument in your political science class, shoot your shot in public, audition to be Buzz the mascot. Life is what you make it.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): We just lived through a whole ass pandemic. You can bet that people need help because nobody knows what’s going on. Be the voice of calm and reason.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Don’t show everyone you’re better than them on day one. If people get annoyed by you, blame it on the Mercury retrograde.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Ayo... I don’t know anything about astrology but like… A good semester may not be in God’s Plan. Drake’s album flopped for a reason.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I know you’ve been waiting to crack some jokes with the boys, but your social skills have deteriorated over the pandemic. Just make sure you’re not the only one laughing.
This article originally appeared in The Reorientation Issue, published September 7, 2021.